Utah Religion

I'm about to get on my soap box and things are about to get real personal.
I am a member of The Church of Latter Day Saints. This weekend was General Conference , where twice a year we are taught in a weekend long conference by the leaders of the church.
Almost immediately following this conference, this post started to circulate among my friends and their social media

I take offense to everything about this post. Only in Utah would this be OK and draw so many tears. She is outright portraying herself as better than this man at first by appearance and second by spirit. His appearance in the conference center changed her heart. The physical appearance or presence of anyone should never be a big deal. The gospel is about equality and love. Her post shows none of that beyond her selfish recognition. Did she speak with him? Did she tell him she felt this way? I find it disturbing that her feelings weren't from her presence there, from anyone besides someone with a past. People with a past are not at church to improve your testimony or remind you of Christ.
You could argue that she was staying that physical appearance doesn't matter while he is in a holy place, but the fact that she brings it up at all shows otherwise.
I stopped going to church for a few years. The people I knew and interacted with did not seem to see what I wore and didn't care about my past choices. They cared about how I felt in the moment and the present situation I was living in.
I have a testimony of the church. I know it's true. I feel so much joy when I'm there, but when some members open their mouths, I lose it. I feel separate and aware of my imperfections. Aware of mistakes that I've repented for and aware that my dress is too frumpy.
Christ didn't see me that way and he doesn't see that man that way. My mistakes, visible or not do not matter. He sees us all as works in progress. He sees our heart and our spirit. Wake up, Utah. We're more than our visible appearance and past errors. We are the same. Let our religion be in our hearts.

Hiding Pregnancy

Picture this:

You're pregnant with your first child. Baby Daddy is great.  Your relationship is fantastic and the wedding planning starts soon.  You are starting to show a small baby bump. Do you hide it or do you go with it?

I ran across this article from US Weekly Magazine with the title, "Mila Kunis Conceals Baby Bump With Channing Tatum on First Red Carpet After Pregnancy Reveal"

My mind starting spinning for multiple reasons. I'm not about to criticize a movie star for her choices, but I am going to share my opinion about early pregnancy and I'm not going to sugar coat my opinion.

Mila Kunis' story hit pretty close to home for me.  That's my story!

Here I am the day of the induction.

Not only have I been there, I've done it in Utah and an LDS congregation. Luckily I didn't start showing for a really long time, but when I started showing and I freak because I'm not married and I know that every person sitting in the magenta pews around me are judging me.  In Salt Lake County, it's not paranoia; it's truth. Pregnancy should not be associated with shame or judgement; no matter what the situation. In pregnancy, a woman is a mother. A mother is not a shameful thing. So let's stop looking women like that. Pregnancy is hard enough without those looks and thoughts. So let's start with us. Instead of looking at pregnancies as mistakes or blessings. Let's think of them as growing children with a future. Mila isn't even far enough along that she would need to hide it. So why hide it with Channing Tatum?

I can't tell you how much pregnant women irritate me on Facebook. I'm talking to you, mother who updates Facebook daily regarding the status of their pregnancy and health.  I can't wait for the 40 weeks to be done just to stop hearing about your morning sickness or growth of your baby.  Once a tri-mester or even a month is totally acceptable. Or newly pregnant women worrying about stretch marks or various physical ailments related to child bearing.  A long time ago this article circulated about the media about a woman's stretch marks are her battle wounds.  I think that the article puts a positive spin on something that many women have problems with.  Like other women, I do have stretch marks, hips and some of the physical scars from child birth will be with me forever. Why do we need to put a positive spin on something that is natural and normal? If you have stretch marks, it's okay. We have a club with stretch-mark t-shirts.  If you don't have stretch marks, I'm sure you have some other physical mark from childbirth that stresses you out equally as much. Like I said, it's the opinion of other women that can make pregnancy hard enough.
Or maybe women worry about what men are thinking when they see that "bump".  We want to be desired even though our body is changing and it's probably hard to see the changes as beautiful. It's easy to say "if they love you, they won't care" and quite another to truly believe it.  When I was pregnant with Cami, I worried so much about maintaining my physical appearance and I went to the gym every day, but the gym won't hinder the growth of that belly (which is really a good thing).  Magazines tell women it's important to be beautiful and skinny even when your pregnant. I spent so much of pregnancy worrying about that.  The first week after the birth of my beautiful monster, things completely changed for me and my husband.  Our priorities completely switched.  It wasn't about what we wanted, life was about providing our child with the best and if that meant skipping the gym 6 days a week.  It took a long time for me to realize it's okay, because we were caring for our child instead.
Mila Kunis is of a different world.  She has hair stylists, spa people, make-up people, assistants, agents, etc. that dictate what she does and where she goes. Maybe her agent shoved her into this big premier with Channing Tatum to promote their movie.  She still has the choice.  If she wasn't comfortable with the situation or her growing baby, she has the option of saying "no".  She will have to face the media eventually and some may say she is extremely brave for going. I don't say it's brave, I say uncomfortably self-aware.  The majority of pregnant women do not have other people pushing them to go places or do things that they aren't ready for. I tend to think that women don't need other people to push themselves.  We have multiple thought tabs open and multiple self-talks going every second of the day.  It's okay to take a break and it's okay to say no.  Pushing your limit is not worth the exhaustion, emotional frustration or whatever may come with pushing yourself because you feel obligated or to make anyone else happy. You need to be happy and that baby needs to be happy.
This open letter to Mila Kunis is a great reminder for distant future me and past pregnant me. There's no shame in pregnancy (planned or unplanned). The changes of pregnancy and childbirth are normal (so stop worrying and embrace yourself). Who cares what men think (unless he's Channing Tatum :), you're growing a human being and that's beautiful. Say "no" and take breaks.  If you do everything you want/need to do, you may be missing something.