2015 Wrap Up

2015 is about to fad away into a new year and I'm feeling delighted. This year feels like such a roller coaster.  I started out the year with high hopes and big expectations and that's always a dangerous thing to do in a new year.  Instead, 1015 was a rough year for me. I wouldn't say that our family has had anything truly awful happen. It's been no 2012, but it still felt really difficult. It's been a busy year with changes and new challenges. There weren't very many changes, but the ones we had were huge.
Without getting too fluffy, I'll get right into the list and pictures because who really cares about anything else anyway.

1. Emily: Let's start with the most obvious change of 2015. Oh hey, I had a second baby. This time last year we were convinced baby girl was going to named "Julie", but about two weeks before her birth, Emily jumped out at us.
Emily has been a wonderful addition to our family and I'm not just saying that. From day one, she's been the easiest baby.  She nursed really well for about five months. She's calm, happy and I swear her smile could melt a snowman.
Despite her great traits, she is a baby and babies have their own challenges like getting up at night and needing something (diaper change, feeding, playtime) every hour.
These days she's bouncing on her hands and knees and I know we're only few weeks away from crawling.

2. Dreams & Facts: This year I finished my dad's book. I've been working on it since shortly after his death and I finally finished it (that's about three years, people).  I really got into this year. While I was on Maternity Leave, during nap times and shoved in short periods after church I was able to get the majority of it done.
The book is a collection of personal essays, fictional works and a photo history of my dad's life. At 384 pages, it resembles almost a text book, but it was worth every hour and every penny that I put into the book.
The main reason I put it together was for my girls. My daughters will never know my dad and that makes me so crazy sad because of how awesome and amazing my dad was, especially with his kids and grandkids. As unfair as his passing was, this book represents a piece of him and his life. It's something that Cami enjoys now, if only for the pictures. Someday when things are hard for her (God forbid that ever happens), I hope she can flip open this book and have some wisdom or laughs from Grandpa Tate.

3. Genetics:  This year I got a promotion at Myriad. I've been there for about two years and I thought I might try for one this year. It helped that the hiring supervisor was one of my friends and I shared an office with her when I started.
Instead of my previous role and Patient Advocate, I'm a Genetics Patient Advocate (stand up, it's not really worth kneeling over). It's nearly the same job, but instead of working the oncology side of the testing, I'm working only with Genetic Counselors.
It's been such a good move for me. I have specific territories that I'm responsible for (Virginia and North Carolina are my big ones) and I work with the same Genetic Counselors in that area to to get insurance coverage for the genetic tests they order. I love my territory and the majority of the providers I work with are fantastic.
Yesterday I had a big moment when a test I worked really hard on completed in a short time frame in time for a patient's surgery. I called the provider and I said, "Martha, I feel like I could cry. Her test is done." I love being able to have that kind of working relationship that I can say things like that, mean it, and feel like I'm making a difference. I love my job!

4. Cam Balam:  Cami has been so awesome this year! We didn't get her into pre-school, but I'm not really worried about it. Her birthday is later in the year and I've pre-registered her for an online pre-school that my friend recommended.
The biggest thing for Cami this year is potty training.
It almost killed me. Remember this post? Real life, potty training head strong children is like a power struggle with and elephant crossed with a war general, but she did it. In the post I shared all of the tips that worked for Cami, but really it wasn't me. Cami took that and handled it. It took some time but she's got it really well, including overnight (which let's be real, I don't think I had it down until I was like six over night).
She's becoming a little girl this year. Cami loves Disney princesses, she had an especially long stint watching Snow White. Oh man, and she's the best big sister. This morning I heard Emily and as soon as I open the door I see Cami perched up on the crib, talking to Emily. There's an obvious age gap between them, but they're still so cute together.

5. Training Dave:  If only I could. I've been wanting to write that down our whole marriage (Wocka Wocka Wocka).
Okay, but really, almost Dave's entire year was spent training New Hires at work. It's been kind of nice for me because his hours are more normal and I love having him home (the girls love it more than I do).
He's implemented some new procedures at work and he's starting to see some results in the employees.
Doing all of this training kind of screwed him over in some areas, but Dave always takes it in stride.

6. Doctors: Since Emily was in the womb, she had us bouncing around. When I was pregnant, the ultrasound found cysts. After she was born, she had a flat spot on her head, which didn't seem to get better even after we did all the parenting stuff pediatricians say (rotate your baby, tickle their chins, tummy time until they throw up). Okay so that last one was an exaggeration.
We brought it up to  the pediatrician three different times before a different one said, "Hey, that's a pretty flat spot. Go see a plastic surgeon."
Okay because boobs and baby head shapes are the same?
We then went from plastic surgeon to a prosthetic surgeon who prescribed little Emily with a helmet just shy of her turning eight months.
I was scared poop-less about the helmet. I worried about her becoming delayed in her gross motor skills. I worried people would say I was a bad parent and that I didn't do enough for my children. Now, it's not a big deal. The helmet is for Emily and she doesn't mind it at all (anymore). We're still seeing doctors way too often for me.

7. Repairs: The beginning of this year brought some unexpected issues with our house. Yay for home-ownership. We only anticipated one house project this year, but we went above our goals and completed two big projects.
We started with fixing the electrical in the basement. At the beginning of 2015 a plug sparked and burned the plate so this was moved to the top of our priorities because you know, we don't want to burn our house down.
In the summer we deliberated far too long about sprinklers. It was either going to require a ton of hard, manual labor or a lot more money than we anticipated. Late July we bit the bullet and a company fixed our sprinklers in the front yard and put some in the backyard. Like I just said, it was more expensive than we anticipated, but our lives were so busy with a new baby and new responsibilities that there was no way any of us had time to hand water the yard.
It's nice to have those big house projects out of the way. The only big house project we have in our future is a fence and that's an expense that's probably at least two years away.

8. Best Friends Move On: This year Cami's best friend, Emily's future boyfriend and my best friend, who lived in our ward and neighborhood moved to Idaho. I hate it. Jessica and I would never have met if it weren't for a stressful babysitting situation. She helped with Cami when my babysitter was out for a few months. During that time we became friends. Maybe I didn't mean that much to her, but let's be real for a minute. I don't make girl friends easily. Women are caddy, braggy and unrealistic. Jessica isn't like that. We're at the same life stage with kids the same age (Cami, 4 and Vienna only five months younger; Oliver was born 3 or so months before Emily). I could complain about problems, cry when things were hard and cheer when things were awesome and I felt like she was with me in like a real sister/friend way. Her husband got a needed,new job in Idaho and vamoose, just like that no more play-dates, girl's nights or game nights (though they be few thanks to new babies). As 2015 closes, it bums me out that she's so far away.  I went three years without a good girlfriend and it's not likely to happen again anytime soon. Cami misses Vienna and I miss Jessica so much!

9. Colbin:  Zooming out beyond our immediate family; there wasn't a lot of big changes. No weddings and this year no one dear/close passed away.
In the Hunt/Larsen family we only had one big change besides Emily. Heather and Josh had baby boy Colbin in July, only a few short months after Emily. He's a cute little boy and smiles all the time. He's a perfect addition to the family.








Whew, talk about roller coaster. 2015 felt defining to me in the different parts of my life. I feel burned out and exhausted, but I hope it's because 2016 will be stronger and better.
I'll close this chapter of our lives and flip over to something new with an idea that if I want change in my life and in who I am, I need to be that change.

A Tale of Giants and Midgets

Emily had her four month doctor visit today, which is both exciting and awful for me.
Shots are awful. Emily is so happy on the table, smiles for everyone until the shots come. Then only tears and a look of betrayal.
I love to see her growth, especially compared to Cami. No two kids are alike, even siblings.
The doctor gave us her measurements and did a double take, "Let me check the numbers again."
He checks the measurements and the graph and gives me the percentile in an almost mumble of doubt, "5% for weight, 25% for height, 5% weight to height ratio."
I look at Cami, my giant kid. 75-90% practically her whole life. Now here's Emily, a tiny midget . I create both giants and midgets. No two kids are alike.

2015

It's difficult to think of the year to come, 2015 looks pretty slow for our family. It's almost a full month into 2015 and it's time to just post this blog entry, with or without pictures.  Number one on the list is the biggest for our family in almost three years.

Right now, me at 29.5 weeks

1. Julia/Juliet/Julianne: First, we're narrowing in on a final name for baby girl. No secret or surprise here. This is the biggest thing of 2015 ever.  We have about 9.5 weeks before we meet her for real. It's both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I haven't made it any secret that Cami was a very difficult baby, but I have also been reassured by mothers everywhere that no baby is the same and really it can only get better.  Either way I get to look forward to another three months feeling like a balloon/punching bag, then labor/childbirth and then adjusting to EVERYTHING all over again.  We handled baby Cam pretty well, we can do this again.....right? We are a lot better off in many ways this time around and I feel like we have a better support network in our house as well. I'm excited to see her, she's going to be beautiful.

2. Family Babies: Outside of our baby, only one baby has been announced on Dave's side.  The pregnancy isn't official yet, so I don't want to give it away.  It is the only other baby on both families and the cousin closest in age to Julie. They will only be about 2.5 months apart. I'm excited. I know they are hoping for a boy, but I'm hoping for another girl cousin for Julie to play with. As seen with Cami & Anderson, they play okay together, but they still have different interests (Ghostbusters/Mario vs. Dora//Daniel Tiger). I'm willing to bet another Hunt family member will be pregnant by the end of the year. Dave's family is still growing, while the Tate side is slowing down.

3. Cami:  I'd like to think we'll conquer the "potty monster" this year, but I don't know if we will really push it with both of us working and a new baby, we'll provider her the tools/tips and she'll catch on when she's ready. "No kid ever goes on their honeymoon with diapers."

This year could be huge for Cam's growth. I think because of her expanding understanding/knowledge and the big changes our family will experience this year, she may have a rough year.  I'd like to get her involved in some learning program/preschool. I think she'll miss the deadline this year because her birthday is in October, but I'm hoping to encourage some growth on the things she already understands.

4. Let's Get Physical: Before we decided to have a baby, I was pretty active with running and working out.  At about week 6, the thought of working out in any way, shape or form made me gag. Then there was the morning sickness and as soon as that left there's been the muscle pains and Braxton Hicks contractions.  Not exactly conducive to good health/fitness.  It's January and while everyone is making goals to get fit or active. I'm setting up some distant plans.  Looks like July, I should be good to go with my activity level again. I can't wait to run, exert some sort of energy that won't send me puking or collapsing on myself. My goal is to run a 5k this year. It's a low goal, but I figure with two kids, time for running may be minimal.

Our fancy new electrical panel
in the basement

5. Basement: Our basement will be finished this year. That is so weird to say out loud. We always pushed that priority out and never expected to finish into the third year at this house.  I'm excited to paint and rearrange things downstairs. I'm really nervous to paint or do anything to the upstairs because people see it and judge the crap out of your upstairs. No one will see downstairs besides family and friends. I feel like I have a little bit more of a creative reign in the "Nerd Lair".

These are my sweet puppets
I made for a lesson

 6. CTR: At the beginning of this year, the Primary Presidency moved me up a few years. I now teach 5 & 6 year-old's and I'm very happy.  There are about 5-6 of these kids and they are amazing.  They listen really well and participate.  It's very different from Sunbeams.  2015 has had a rough start for Sharing Time. Cam is very good about going to her class, but as soon as we get to Sharing Time, she knows I'm there and REFUSES to sit with her class. It's very difficult to juggle my wound up class and Cami at the same time with her demands and expectations from "mommy".  I'll likely be released when I have the baby and hopefully she will be a little bit better when I am not within her sight range.

7. Dad's Book:  I know some people think it's ridiculous how much I talk, blog and such about my dad. I'm sure some people chalk it up to losing a parent or what-not.  One thing my dad dreamed about his whole life was publishing a book. He was insanely creative and spent a lot of his free time writing or brainstorming books.  Due to his dreams, he had file folders filled with church talks, letters, stories, ideas, etc. My mom talked about scanning it all and giving it to the family on a cd. I have much bigger plans.  I've been working on a book featuring everything my dad has ever written.  It's a long time coming and I have a goal to get it done this year. It would mean a lot to my dad, my family and me to have his dreams before us in something physical we can hold in our hands to pass down through generations. 

Nightmare

A few nights ago I had this horrible dream that stressed me out beyond belief.
Dave and I are cuddling on the couch watching some stupid movie and I feel something moving between my legs.
When I look down, it is a tiny baby hand moving around so I sit up and open my legs to see our new baby daughter laying calmly between us.
Because I am only 23 weeks along, I start freaking out. Our baby was obviously not very developed and looked kind of alien-like with an enormous forehead and eyes spaced far apart. Dave leaves the house because our phones aren't working and he wants to call for help.  I am running around asking everyone for a cell-phone but no one will help me.
I find my mom eventually, who helps me hold the baby, carefully walking beside me because the umbilical cord is still connected. We are walking through a parking lot when my water finally breaks and it's not just water, it's yellowish thick substance that looks and smells weird. My mom mentions that she thinks I have an infection and our need to hurry just be increased.
Finally we find someone with a cell phone who calls for an ambulance. The ambulance takes us to the hospital and in the NICU the doctors say that there are babies more sick than my baby and that it looks like we're both doing fine. They still set us up on a bed and I'm sick with exhaustion and stress.
My mom holds the baby up for me because she says the baby is happy.  In the hours between birth and the hospital she has grown by several months and has a small tuft of brown curly hair on top and she gives me a big gummy smile.
The meaning of this dream is ridiculously obvious. I have felt very anxious about this pregnancy and this baby from the very beginning. All I know is complications during pregnancy and a difficult baby. Like all women, I want someone to relate and someone to really be there for me and as a by-product: this baby.
Dave and I had a really good discussion about it and although that's the way I felt. Really, we did not choose to have a baby for attention or friendship. I didn't get pregnant to get praised and questioned constantly. We chose to have another baby because WE wanted to and because we wanted to complete our family. WE chose this, it was not an accident and I am genuinely excited to see the future for this baby and our family

Results

I really tried to think of something clever to put as the title, but I just don't have it in me today.
Results came back almost two weeks ago for my baby girl's choroid plexus cysts. The results were NEGATIVE, which means no genetic defect and the cysts will either go away on their own or will not affect her growth/development.
With these results and Christmas right around the corner, I looked around me and my life a few nights ago.
For the first time in my entire life I feel truly happy and content.
It's a new feeling to me, I've spent so much of my life pushing and ready for the next step (i.e. degree, marriage, family, church stuff, debt free, etc.). To say it's nice to settle into life is the biggest understatement ever! It's like my heart wants to jump out of my body and give everyone a big hug.
My life isn't perfect and a lot of times each day has it's own challenges. Some days are harder than others, but along with that, some days are really great.
Really, I am in a good place: I have a wonderful family, married to my best friend (still my best friend) and a silly three-year-old.  I have a nice house that's perfect for our family in every way.   Dave and I both have fully functioning cars and good jobs to provide for our family's needs.
Right now I would not change a thing.
I don't want a new house. I'll take our weird house with it's weird electrical and never-ending projects.
I  am happy with our cars, despite their "well-loved" exterior (that's probably just my car) and high mileage, because they keep us safe without a car payment and without too much maintenance (outside of the debacle a couple of months ago).
I'll take Dave and Cam any day and everyday over anyone and everything else.  They both love me through everything; past, present and future and nothing can change that. Even when I feel absolutely crazy with frustration or sadness, they both still love me and won't leave me. It's true family security, what I've been waiting for my whole life.
Who needs any new stuff this year, my inner-self/chi/etc. gives me the gift of joy and peace this year.

Genetics

11/26

Yesterday was the official 20 week ultrasound. Thanks to my "dramatic" history, I will have two separate ultrasounds done at the hospital to check the babies growth, fluid levels, etc.

We went last week to Fetal Foto at the mall to get gender because Dave had to work yesterday. So I went to the hospital by myself. Nothing too crazy. During my last trimester with Cameron I had to get stress-tests done there every week. I knew the routine and nothing weird can come of this right? I admit I felt a little nervous, because baby girl does not move very much.

The ultrasound tech was oddly impersonal, but I knew something was up when a good chunk of the time was spent measuring parts of the baby's brain.

Finally, the supervising physician comes in and drops the sentence like he's noticed a new freckle or that you dyed your hair, "I don't know if Mary talked to you about the cysts in your baby's brain but.."

He literally trailed off like that.  My heart sinks and my brain starts running a thousand miles an hour, but my ears are desperately trying to listen because this is important and there's no one here with me to listen.

Baby girl has two fairly large looking cysts in her brain, one on each hemisphere.  In the ultrasound it looks like her brain is made up of two donuts (choroid plexus cysts).

The angle of this is a little weird, but you can see parts of the cysts.

These cysts have three possible attributes/outcomes:

1. They could mean absolutely nothing. Doctor said 5% of normal babies born each year have these cysts and are completely fine and fully-functioning babies.

2. Many times they just go away in like a month.  The baby's body sorts out the cyst and distributes it, or something. I'm not a doctor....

3. These cysts are relatively common in babies with a genetic disorder linked to Trisonomy 18 or Trisonomy 21. These two genetic disorders and commonly known as Evan's Syndrome and Down Syndrome. 

After the doctor lists these options, he goes on to do his own ultrasound and I'm doing everything I can not to break into hysterical cries. He checks for other signs of genetic disorder: cleft palate (she has a fully connected lip and nose) and opening hands (she does it just slightly and wiggles her fingers on one hand for the ultrasound).

Following the ultrasound, I opt to do the stupid blood test to find out how many of these chromosomes my baby carries.

It takes 7-10 BUSINESS DAYS, otherwise known as the longest days of my life.

I'm not a super big fan of blasting business all over Facebook and I didn't really want to tell many people because I'm trying not to freak out about this. I don't meet any of the other criteria points that would indicate these genetic disorders and frankly, Dave isn't really worried.

I can't help it. I'm carrying her inside me. She's a big piece of me and it's terrifying to think abou the future. Even more so than when we first started planning for second baby 11 months ago.  I hoped that this baby would be different than Cami...I meant easier...

So it's been eight days since the test and thanks to the holiday, it's been only four business days. 

Plus One

Baby Number Two has been a work in progress for 10 months now, although I'm only 20 weeks along. It took five months of planning before we were truly ready to think about a second child.
So let me introduce Baby Girl Hunt #2.

We truly found out about this baby on 8/8/14 and I wrote a little entry at work about her.
It was a Friday and while cancer patient after cancer patient called me at work, all I could think about was the significance of August 8.
Two years ago on that day, cancer claimed my father. It's a day I can't forget. The images still pop up at inopportune times in movie theaters and longer drives.
Today I'm late and I'm never late.
I'm so happy. This day is already  memorable through pain and loss, but today it's different. Today it's new life and love.

Hiding Pregnancy

Picture this:

You're pregnant with your first child. Baby Daddy is great.  Your relationship is fantastic and the wedding planning starts soon.  You are starting to show a small baby bump. Do you hide it or do you go with it?

I ran across this article from US Weekly Magazine with the title, "Mila Kunis Conceals Baby Bump With Channing Tatum on First Red Carpet After Pregnancy Reveal"

My mind starting spinning for multiple reasons. I'm not about to criticize a movie star for her choices, but I am going to share my opinion about early pregnancy and I'm not going to sugar coat my opinion.

Mila Kunis' story hit pretty close to home for me.  That's my story!

Here I am the day of the induction.

Not only have I been there, I've done it in Utah and an LDS congregation. Luckily I didn't start showing for a really long time, but when I started showing and I freak because I'm not married and I know that every person sitting in the magenta pews around me are judging me.  In Salt Lake County, it's not paranoia; it's truth. Pregnancy should not be associated with shame or judgement; no matter what the situation. In pregnancy, a woman is a mother. A mother is not a shameful thing. So let's stop looking women like that. Pregnancy is hard enough without those looks and thoughts. So let's start with us. Instead of looking at pregnancies as mistakes or blessings. Let's think of them as growing children with a future. Mila isn't even far enough along that she would need to hide it. So why hide it with Channing Tatum?

I can't tell you how much pregnant women irritate me on Facebook. I'm talking to you, mother who updates Facebook daily regarding the status of their pregnancy and health.  I can't wait for the 40 weeks to be done just to stop hearing about your morning sickness or growth of your baby.  Once a tri-mester or even a month is totally acceptable. Or newly pregnant women worrying about stretch marks or various physical ailments related to child bearing.  A long time ago this article circulated about the media about a woman's stretch marks are her battle wounds.  I think that the article puts a positive spin on something that many women have problems with.  Like other women, I do have stretch marks, hips and some of the physical scars from child birth will be with me forever. Why do we need to put a positive spin on something that is natural and normal? If you have stretch marks, it's okay. We have a club with stretch-mark t-shirts.  If you don't have stretch marks, I'm sure you have some other physical mark from childbirth that stresses you out equally as much. Like I said, it's the opinion of other women that can make pregnancy hard enough.
Or maybe women worry about what men are thinking when they see that "bump".  We want to be desired even though our body is changing and it's probably hard to see the changes as beautiful. It's easy to say "if they love you, they won't care" and quite another to truly believe it.  When I was pregnant with Cami, I worried so much about maintaining my physical appearance and I went to the gym every day, but the gym won't hinder the growth of that belly (which is really a good thing).  Magazines tell women it's important to be beautiful and skinny even when your pregnant. I spent so much of pregnancy worrying about that.  The first week after the birth of my beautiful monster, things completely changed for me and my husband.  Our priorities completely switched.  It wasn't about what we wanted, life was about providing our child with the best and if that meant skipping the gym 6 days a week.  It took a long time for me to realize it's okay, because we were caring for our child instead.
Mila Kunis is of a different world.  She has hair stylists, spa people, make-up people, assistants, agents, etc. that dictate what she does and where she goes. Maybe her agent shoved her into this big premier with Channing Tatum to promote their movie.  She still has the choice.  If she wasn't comfortable with the situation or her growing baby, she has the option of saying "no".  She will have to face the media eventually and some may say she is extremely brave for going. I don't say it's brave, I say uncomfortably self-aware.  The majority of pregnant women do not have other people pushing them to go places or do things that they aren't ready for. I tend to think that women don't need other people to push themselves.  We have multiple thought tabs open and multiple self-talks going every second of the day.  It's okay to take a break and it's okay to say no.  Pushing your limit is not worth the exhaustion, emotional frustration or whatever may come with pushing yourself because you feel obligated or to make anyone else happy. You need to be happy and that baby needs to be happy.
This open letter to Mila Kunis is a great reminder for distant future me and past pregnant me. There's no shame in pregnancy (planned or unplanned). The changes of pregnancy and childbirth are normal (so stop worrying and embrace yourself). Who cares what men think (unless he's Channing Tatum :), you're growing a human being and that's beautiful. Say "no" and take breaks.  If you do everything you want/need to do, you may be missing something.