Lessons from 9/11

Nearly everyone in America can tell you what they were doing when the Twin Towers fell. I'm no different, but I'm not going to talk about that now. I'm going to tell you how this huge historical tragedy affected 14 year old Michelle. I learned four lessons because of that day.
1. Fear: I was 14 years old when terrorists struck an American icon. I lived in suburban Utah, where the scariest things were the mundane worries of early teens everywhere (forgetting my locker combination, missing the bus or talking to cute boys).
After the planes crashed, the buildings fell and lives were lost; the footage replayed in all of my classes and all class work was related to terrorism.
Terrorism was a new concept for me. In my mind there was no reason for anyone to fight anyone else, let alone kill . The world became a lot bigger and more terrifying.
2. War: In my English class that year, we studied a lot about World War II. The classroom discussions changed pretty quick.
I remember one of my teachers standing in front of the class, talking about the military draft and she told us to look around our class and pointed out the boys. She said in the next few years, we could be looking at a draft for our generation.
I looked at a few guys in my class; nerdy "Stephen" or rebellious "Lyle". The idea of these people my own age being drafted seemed so ludicrous, but if a draft happened, it would be in my generation.
There was no draft mandated my the government, but many of my graduating class joined the military and faced the face of terrorism in Iraq and Afghanistan. Those fresh-faced boys watched a lot of death on both sides and felt the damage in more ways than one.
3. United: The weeks following the attack were difficult to see from a quiet, young teenage point of view. It felt like so much waiting. Waiting for reaction or for something to happen.
I saw some things change in the people around me. People were angry and itching for war, but there was a softer side that many Americans hid that started sneaking out. It was a the sense of being connected to others, a community mind, or a United State.
I collected all the newspapers related to 9/11. The progression from disaster to fear to action and community was noticeable. We banded together as a nation. It didn't matter if the war was right or wrong, just that we were all affected and we were together.
4. Pride: The biggest change for me was the sense of national pride. Sure America is a flawed nation. You don't need to go fast to see corruption and greed, but one thing this nation does well is defend itself and overcome the difficulties in one way or another. 
I'm glad to live in this nation and I'm so glad to be an American in an imperfect United States.

9/11 is a tragic event in American history. That day won't ever be forgotten and i will try to pass the lessons I learned to my children because we're American's and products of history.

Priorities Part 3,659

This isn't my first post on priorities and it won't be the last.
Being and adult is hard. Okay, that's the post. Stop there because you really don't need to know more.
Twice in my life I've had to evaluate my personal priorities in a serious way. There is little in this world harder than trying to figure out what's best vs what you want.
The first big evaluation happened five years ago almost exactly from today.
I just received my Bachelor's and the job market was pretty rough and I happily landed a job at Verizon Wireless doing Customer Service. It was not the greatest job, but the money was really good , which was nice to make some bigger payments on my newly acquired student loan.
Somehow, I also landed a part time dream job at a local television station. The money was awful, but it was where I wanted to be.
For about three weeks I worked both jobs. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I would get up at five and come home at 8:30. It was busy and money was good, but I was exhausted. When I wasn't working, I was sleeping.
Something had to give. I couldn't live like that. I spent a week crying, praying and doing everything I could to figure out.
I knew three things: I couldn't do both, if I worked the part time job; if I worked the part time job, I'd be happy, but I couldn't pay the bills; if I worked for Verizon, I'd be unhappy, but financially secure. It was the ultimate problem.
I  wish it my story was a Lifetime special and I picked joy instead of greed. Well, sometimes life isn't like that. The next Saturday, I went to my boss at the television station to quit because i cant live on joy and dreams.  I learned a valuable lesson about priorities that year. You can't always get what you want.

This year I had to make another hard decision that is going to make me sound shallow and human.
I love all things gym related. Before I met Dave, I went to the gym six days a week. Even after I had Cami, I did at-home work outs five days a week (T25 or Insanity). Then I got pregnant with Emily and even the thought of working out sent me to the porcelain god of pregnant women.
On maternity leave with Emily, I got back to it. It felt so good to be active again.
Oh, but then I started work again and things got crazy. Working eight hours a day and taking care of two kids is a lot of work, go figure.
I tried so hard to balance it all, but it made me nuts. I'm not exaggerating. I became this hysterical, high-strung, miserable person. Mothers around the world and groaning and judging me right now (treasure your kids when their young, being a mother is the highest calling, blah blah blah).
It seems so simple to other people. I knew working out made me happy, but it wasn't working.
Dave has this saying he repeats to me when things are hard and it finally clicked for me with this situation. It won't always be like this.
My kids won't always depend on me for so much. Work won't always be so stressful. Things will not awkward be like this. One day Emily will be crawling, playing, etc. These extra 30ish pounds won't always be there. I'll run another half marathon because it won't always be like this.
Priorities are always changing and you can't always get what you want. If you want to get dramatic:In the long perspective, none of it really matters, not even the stuff of this blog entry. Guess what? That's okay, it's life, and we figure it out as we go.

Passing of my childhood

Celebrities are over-grieved.
Robin Williams was less a celebrity and more of friend. He shaped so much of my life.
I first met Robin Williams in my pre-kindergarten days. He had this wonderful bit on Sesame Street that would make me laugh so hard I rolled on the floor. From that moment, Robin Williams was a part of me. As I got older, I heard his voice in Alladin and saw him as a cross-dresser in Mrs. Doubtfire and as a sad grown-up little boy in Jumanji.
I couldn't NOT write about him. He was there to help me grow up and I learned so much from him.
1. At an early age, I knew Robin Williams was silly and it was okay to be silly sometimes.
2. He was an original, he didn't pretend to be anything he wasn't or put on some perfect show. He was who he was and he was unapologetic for it.
3. In Aladdin, he taught me how important it was to be honest, especially with those we love.
4. In Jumanji, he taught me that there is always hope during dark times and that things will work out.
5. He showed me the meaning of family in Mrs. Doubtfire and that boobs are not very great for putting out fires.
6. I learned about love in Bicentennial Man. It's not a movie looked on very fondly, but when i saw it I cried. Everyone deserves happiness and everyone deserves love.
7.Many people quote Dead Poet's Society this week and I hate to be cliche' but I learned how to really study from this movie. That it's important to find passion and art in life.
8.  In Ferngully, I learned from his voice that the environment may  shape you one way, but you decide who you become.
9. Most recently, I caught up on Good Will Hunting and I learned the importance of really living and not just seeing the world go by.
10. Or in the new-age classic Hook, he taught me that anything is possible if you believe in yourself.

I could cry and sob over his passing like a little girl. His passing is huge and the world seems more sad without his smile and goofy voices.  I admit there are some big parts of Williams voice & behavior that remind me of my dad. This world has lost some of it's strongest and most joyful influences in my life.

Toddler Bed Horror

A few months ago Dave and I started about easing Cami into a toddler bed. My heart raced and my fingers started to twitch.

She isn't an escape artist and I'm sure she would be fine in crib until she started kindergarten. Transporting the crib for family trips and getaways are very difficult and we wanted to be able to use something more portable.

Cruising around Toys R Us one very hot summer day, we went with our gut and got a cheap Mickey Mouse bed. Nothing fancy because let's be honest, my child is a giant will not be in it very long.

That night, we completed our usual routine: bath, story, song and prayer. She ran into her room; so excited for her Mickey Mouse bed and then nothing. 

We settled in for the night for a later movie, The Conjuring.  

Okay, I love scary movies but since Cami was born I'm a wuss.

I was up all night, back and forth between the scary movie scenes and images of Cami beside my bed, staring at us. All night long. No joke. It was awful.

Cami woke up at 8 and stayed in bed until we went to get her. 

Weirdly, that night was one of the longest nights of my life and it's probably due more to the movie than my child growing up or waking up. I need a chill pill.