Sorry I'm Not Sorry

Sorry I'm not sorry.
I lit Facebook on fire today. The fires will spark a debate and I'll probably de-friend some people from it.
Good!
This girl I went to high school with posted this picture of her bare stomach today on Facebook and her quest to complete some 30 day ab challenge or something.  At the end of the post she asks who will hold responsible for completing this challenge.
There are so many wrong things about this post, too many things not too light my match and step up on my soap box.
1. I've been saying for months (remember this post?) if not years how social media has become a place for people to gain validation.  My friend may not have the six pack abs of a gymnast, but it was flat and pretty defined. To me, it looked as though she wanted someone to post, "Oh, Emily, you don't need to go to the gym, look how skinny you are!" Blah Blah Blah. I will not validate or provide you fuel to make you feel better about yourself.
2. If you can't hold yourself accountable for your choices and decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to your body, you cannot expect anyone else to do the same.
3. The worst part about this is this girl should know better. After high school, she developed some sort of form of alopecia and her hair grows in patches. As such, she has some different haircuts that still make her look feminine but are obviously a little different. She learned to be comfortable with her lack of hair and she should understand that self worth and value are so much more than what you look like.
4. And above all, this popular circulating ecard says it all.

So I sacrificed "Emily" and told her as much. It seemed a lot more angry because my phone thinks Every Word Needs To Be Capitalized On Facebook.
So sorry I'm not sorry.
This selfish, objectification in the world is so depressing.
Emily and I both have daughters. What would Cami or "Susan" think or say if they saw this post?
Would she think that she needs public recognition for everything she does, including participation trophies?
Or that everything you do, you do it for someone else to approve or give you a virtual high five?
Maybe she will think that her value is only skin deep and a fit body is all that matters?
This is the age of social media. It will teach our children what matters and that's terrifying.

Social Media Validation

Relationships and social media are tricky things to match together. In my opinion, I've removed mention of my relationships outside of my profile stating I'm "married" because I don't think social media is the place to plaster your relationships.

You all know the type I'm talking about, "I love my husband SO much, he did A, B, and C for me today" or even pictures via Instagram, "Out on a hot date with my awesome husband", etc. As a viewer of such irritating posts, I used to feel jealousy or whatever that my spouse didn't do stuff for me, but then I realize that there's a root to those posts: the validation, bragging, covering up and impersonal.

The quest for validation IS what social media has become.  People post pictures and status' to get recognition from their peers. When they say stuff like how much they love their husband, they are looking for that attention to make them feel like, "Oh, so-and-so said they wished their husband was as great as mine. I really am lucky."  Gag me now, if you need to validate your relationship and your marriage, go to the source. Go to your spouse and tell them, spend time with them instead of being online.

There is a fine line between being grateful and bragging. This line is crossed everyday sometimes multiple times online. Why do we feel that need to display what's great about our life and deny the bad?  That image-focused world won't get us anywhere better. The first brag creates a cycle and more posts and more pictures and then no one cares anyway and you get blocked. Real life isn't perfect, so why display perfection? Why shove pictures of your "wonderful" life into everyone's face?  Why not step back and see it for what it is? Flawed and beautiful; a combination that should be reveled in and not just talked about to the world. 

My next thought about these braggers is that perhaps they are trying to cover up really awful stuff.  The other day, I was listening to morning talk show and they were discussing social media and how people put on this facade for the world to see online, when real life is so much worse/better.  My coworker shared with me a story that one of her friends on Facebook always says how much she loves her husband; when in real life her husband cheated on her and was a complete douche bag, but she puts on this face for social media so that everything seems okay.  Again, if stuff isn't really okay and you are trying to lie to yourself online. Turn off the computer and go see a relationship therapist or have a real conversation with your spouse/significant other.

I don't like to post about how great my husband is because the internet is not the place.  My relationship with him is personal. It's between him and me. That's it. If I love him and I'm grateful he did something for me. I tell him in person or I do something special to show my gratitude.  Our relationship is precious and the internet is a awful, degrading place to put my love for show. A relationship is private and what goes on with us: good or bad doesn't belong on the internet. We figure out our problems and we grow; but we don't need to show everyone. We show each other, we tell each other, we love each other.....without social media.

This blog entry was a little rough to sort out my thoughts. I hope it make sense. If this article reduces "I love my husband" facebook status' or one less picture in my feed. I will have succeeded.