Lessons on Happiness

I learned a lot in the last few months about relationships, family, and living my life. It's funny. I feel like I turned thirty and I'm finally starting to understand life (at least a little bit).

Four months ago i quit my job to stay home with my kids. I'm lucky to stay in contact with one of my dear friends from Myriad, Courtney. We are the same age (I think) and we love books. We used to sit across the aisle and interrupt each other randomly to talk about books. I joined a book club with her so I get to see her at least once a month.

Courtney's had a rough go the last few years with her fixer-upper house, family, and job. She's incredibly sweet and works hard at everything.

I met up with her at book club on Monday. We spoke about the big changes in her life, mainly her promotion to Assistant Clinical Data Specialtist (or something). She deserves all good things that come to her and I really feel happy for her.

I came home feeling a little self-doubt. If I was at Myriad, would I have been promoted with Courtney? Could we be working together? I loved my job because I felt like I was good at it and I made a difference. I worked hard and I felt like our finances showed the hard work. Unless I donate plasma, I don't earn a cent, but I feel like I still work hard every day. I will not receive any type of promotion where I am now.

While talking with Dave about my doubts, he tried to reassure me, "You were promoted to something really vital and important to our family." Husbands, am I right? I didn't think he understood. He's valued in his job, he's financially compensated, and promoted easily. 

Who knew that Heath Ledger or whoever, would help me figure out the truth. I found this quote on Facebook and I don't know how true or if he even said it.

There's that light bulb. Are you happy?

Was I happy when I worked full time? Kind of, but only until I came home and faced everything I left behind in my search for recognition and money. 

Am I happy at home? YES! I love my "work" as a stay at home mom. I don't have to rush out of work to see my girls again. I get to actually handle the housework. Dishes, laundry, and dinner are pretty manageable every day-I could never say that while I was working full time. 

Happy will different from person to person and situations may make things more difficult. So maybe if I don't feel happy, I need to find the happy because that's the most important part. 

The Future in 12 months or less

Day 28 of 2017 and it's already been a year with some wonderful big changes. Like every year, I like I to "predict" what the future holds for the Hunt family.
This year looks a lot shorter, but I think that's a good thing. Less trouble to get into. ;)

1. Kindergarten- Cameron starts kindergarten this year. In fact, I'm pretty sure registration is next month.  What a weird stage to be in with a kid in elementary school.

2. Community Sports- I would love to get Cameron more involved in community sports, especially swimming before we go to Bear Lake again. She's had a small fear of water that I think some classes at the community center could help. With a little confidence, she will do so much better.

3. Emily will chat it up- Emily already talks a lot, but every week she seems to pick up more words and she's started to actually converse. Useful words she picked up recently include: Need help, poop, more, milk (which sounds more like mewt). More words will make it so much easier to take care of her.

4. Dave- Hard to say what's in store for Dave careerwise.  He feels like he's where he needs to be right now, but he's always looking for new opportunities. Not necessarily a promotion, either, but somewhere that he can learn more and be more valuable to the company.
He's been really active for the past two months and we've been trying to make healthier choices. He's starting to see some great things in his health. I hope this year he feel better and it continues in the way he hopes/wants.

5. Let's Go Out-  My biggest goal this year has nothing to do with losing weight or running a marathon. This year I really want to focus on my marriage. Not that we're struggling or fighting. It's hard when you both work full-time, especially when your schedules are split and you have young children, to maintain a connection.
We rely on babysitters during the week while we work, so it's sometimes hard to find a babysitter for weekend nights too. I've started to check in with the Young Women in the ward to start paying for babysitters. It's early stages. I haven't found anyone yet, but I'm optimistic. If we can get out more than once a month, I'll be thrilled.

6. Friends- 2016 was good and bad for friends, but 2017 looks really good. Reach out a little and it comes back around. It's all about action too. I learned that last year. You can't expect people to just show up and want to be your friend. If you want a relationship/friendship, you need to put the effort into it. I have great hopes. I believe in friendships both old/new. It's important to have community/tribe in your life. Especially when things go South, it's important to have people there to help/support you.

7. Finish It-  Here it is again. I'm pretty sure I've had this on my prediction post three years in a row to finish the book. This year I can do it for real.  I only have 1.5 point of view characters left. That's nothing. Last year I did 2.5 point of view characters, so really 2017 is mine for Project Torrent.
8. College Debt Be-Gone- Dave's college debt is almost gone and our financial goal this year is to finish it off. When we first were married, we had tons of debt between the two of us and six years later we're almost free of the big ones. Quick, knock on wood before one of our cars breaks down.

9. Work Venture- I see something new and/or different for me this year.  I constantly talk about how much I love my job.  I love the relationships I've built with the providers in my territory and making a difference with cancer research (even if it is kind of indirectly). It's given me a lot of purpose and joy to solve some of the insurance problems I run into.  Helping people is so important to do every day and I'm lucky I get paid to do it.  It's really wonderful and I have a hard time seeing myself doing anything else, but 2017 brought some unexpected changes in the past few weeks. Changes in our family needs (*cough* not pregnant) mean that my job may change.

10. Temple- Oh ya, I saved this church one for last so you can skip it if you aren't into it. Almost ten years ago, I made some less than stellar choices for a boy, a boy who dumped me pretty fast. I stepped away from the LDS church for a while and was pretty unhappy. I'm not going  to tell anyone what's right or wrong, I started going back to church because it made me happy. Man, it was hard. That's another topic for another time. I've been going to church pretty solid for about 8 years. Every year I say this is the year I make it to the temple. Saying and doing are different hings.  It's so terrifying after you have made very poor choices. It's frightening to sacrifice. It's terrifying to go alone. Even with repentance, those things helped me become who I am-even as a member and they aren't going to disappear. So even though I'm crazy scared and I feel super unworthy, I'm going to do my best to go inside this year.

2017 looks pretty scary in a couple of ways. There are a lot of uncertainties about the future, that I'll try to blog about as I go. I don't really know where my family or me will be at the end of the year. I hope the changes that look so scary bring more joy. I hope more than anything that I will feel happier this year. Isn't that the greatest hope for 2017?  More joy.

Results

I really tried to think of something clever to put as the title, but I just don't have it in me today.
Results came back almost two weeks ago for my baby girl's choroid plexus cysts. The results were NEGATIVE, which means no genetic defect and the cysts will either go away on their own or will not affect her growth/development.
With these results and Christmas right around the corner, I looked around me and my life a few nights ago.
For the first time in my entire life I feel truly happy and content.
It's a new feeling to me, I've spent so much of my life pushing and ready for the next step (i.e. degree, marriage, family, church stuff, debt free, etc.). To say it's nice to settle into life is the biggest understatement ever! It's like my heart wants to jump out of my body and give everyone a big hug.
My life isn't perfect and a lot of times each day has it's own challenges. Some days are harder than others, but along with that, some days are really great.
Really, I am in a good place: I have a wonderful family, married to my best friend (still my best friend) and a silly three-year-old.  I have a nice house that's perfect for our family in every way.   Dave and I both have fully functioning cars and good jobs to provide for our family's needs.
Right now I would not change a thing.
I don't want a new house. I'll take our weird house with it's weird electrical and never-ending projects.
I  am happy with our cars, despite their "well-loved" exterior (that's probably just my car) and high mileage, because they keep us safe without a car payment and without too much maintenance (outside of the debacle a couple of months ago).
I'll take Dave and Cam any day and everyday over anyone and everything else.  They both love me through everything; past, present and future and nothing can change that. Even when I feel absolutely crazy with frustration or sadness, they both still love me and won't leave me. It's true family security, what I've been waiting for my whole life.
Who needs any new stuff this year, my inner-self/chi/etc. gives me the gift of joy and peace this year.

Family Definitions

I wrote this post shortly after my grandpa passed away. It's something that I feel very strongly about, but it needed time for me to finish grieving and complete the process.  Today is a day for thanks  and family. It's a day to share.

10/22/2014

Family is not defined by blood.

The older I get, the more I recognize that my pedigree is really just a bunch of lines and shapes that describe genetic links.

My Grandpa Bockholt passed away recently and his passing is huge to me and I did not have a drop of his blood in my body.

He married my dad's mom after she divorced my Grandpa Tate. My dad, like many kids, spent most of his childhood with his mother and summers/occasional visits with his dad. Because of that, my dad and my Grandpa Bockholt had a lot of similarities and they even looked alike.

I am lucky to have three sets of grandparents and I'm lucky my grandma married him. Even after my grandma passed away (when I was like two) I still saw him regularly.

Like my father, my grandpa was SO happy-always laughing and joking.  He was an active grandparent, reaching out to us in the ways that fit us best.

I remember one time when I was in high school, he played video games with my little brother. My grandfather had to be in his late 70's or early 80's, working that gray Playstation controller with some familiarity.

Without such a good, happy man in my life or in this world--things seem a little more sad, like my father's passing on a smaller scale. 

I'm so grateful for his presence and influence in my father's and my life. I know my father wouldn't have been the great dad he was without him and I know that I would not push so hard in my life to provide that same kind of happiness for my family.

Joy, love and laughter create a family, not bloodlines and cards sent out once a year. 

Like I said, always smiling. Heroic.

Sorry I'm Not Sorry

Sorry I'm not sorry.
I lit Facebook on fire today. The fires will spark a debate and I'll probably de-friend some people from it.
Good!
This girl I went to high school with posted this picture of her bare stomach today on Facebook and her quest to complete some 30 day ab challenge or something.  At the end of the post she asks who will hold responsible for completing this challenge.
There are so many wrong things about this post, too many things not too light my match and step up on my soap box.
1. I've been saying for months (remember this post?) if not years how social media has become a place for people to gain validation.  My friend may not have the six pack abs of a gymnast, but it was flat and pretty defined. To me, it looked as though she wanted someone to post, "Oh, Emily, you don't need to go to the gym, look how skinny you are!" Blah Blah Blah. I will not validate or provide you fuel to make you feel better about yourself.
2. If you can't hold yourself accountable for your choices and decisions, ESPECIALLY when it comes to your body, you cannot expect anyone else to do the same.
3. The worst part about this is this girl should know better. After high school, she developed some sort of form of alopecia and her hair grows in patches. As such, she has some different haircuts that still make her look feminine but are obviously a little different. She learned to be comfortable with her lack of hair and she should understand that self worth and value are so much more than what you look like.
4. And above all, this popular circulating ecard says it all.

So I sacrificed "Emily" and told her as much. It seemed a lot more angry because my phone thinks Every Word Needs To Be Capitalized On Facebook.
So sorry I'm not sorry.
This selfish, objectification in the world is so depressing.
Emily and I both have daughters. What would Cami or "Susan" think or say if they saw this post?
Would she think that she needs public recognition for everything she does, including participation trophies?
Or that everything you do, you do it for someone else to approve or give you a virtual high five?
Maybe she will think that her value is only skin deep and a fit body is all that matters?
This is the age of social media. It will teach our children what matters and that's terrifying.

I am different

I am different.
Most of the time I feel normal.

• I have a full time job where I do more than punch keys or stare at a computer screen.
• I am a wife. My husband is my best friend and that's more important to me than cliche' romantic gestures.
• Together we have a daughter with a strong will and a big heart. 
• We live in a nice house and neighborhood where I feel safe and comfortable.
• I am part of a great legacy of realists and dreamers, where money is minimal but love and family are pinnacle.

This is normal and these things are important, yet around me-people want more.They want a perfect yard with perfectly trimmed rosebushes, or spot free cars.  I have friends with new houses with more bathrooms than family members or friends with brand names clothes, who pay more than "$30 for this shirt".

Only then do I notice the difference. I'm happy when you are silent. When you shut up about things and share stories.  Stop talking about spend money and talk about family.  Listen to what isn't said. Listen to happy kids playing or older siblings laughing.  Or maybe live instead of buying or showing. How about being different.