Lessons on Happiness

I learned a lot in the last few months about relationships, family, and living my life. It's funny. I feel like I turned thirty and I'm finally starting to understand life (at least a little bit).

Four months ago i quit my job to stay home with my kids. I'm lucky to stay in contact with one of my dear friends from Myriad, Courtney. We are the same age (I think) and we love books. We used to sit across the aisle and interrupt each other randomly to talk about books. I joined a book club with her so I get to see her at least once a month.

Courtney's had a rough go the last few years with her fixer-upper house, family, and job. She's incredibly sweet and works hard at everything.

I met up with her at book club on Monday. We spoke about the big changes in her life, mainly her promotion to Assistant Clinical Data Specialtist (or something). She deserves all good things that come to her and I really feel happy for her.

I came home feeling a little self-doubt. If I was at Myriad, would I have been promoted with Courtney? Could we be working together? I loved my job because I felt like I was good at it and I made a difference. I worked hard and I felt like our finances showed the hard work. Unless I donate plasma, I don't earn a cent, but I feel like I still work hard every day. I will not receive any type of promotion where I am now.

While talking with Dave about my doubts, he tried to reassure me, "You were promoted to something really vital and important to our family." Husbands, am I right? I didn't think he understood. He's valued in his job, he's financially compensated, and promoted easily. 

Who knew that Heath Ledger or whoever, would help me figure out the truth. I found this quote on Facebook and I don't know how true or if he even said it.

There's that light bulb. Are you happy?

Was I happy when I worked full time? Kind of, but only until I came home and faced everything I left behind in my search for recognition and money. 

Am I happy at home? YES! I love my "work" as a stay at home mom. I don't have to rush out of work to see my girls again. I get to actually handle the housework. Dishes, laundry, and dinner are pretty manageable every day-I could never say that while I was working full time. 

Happy will different from person to person and situations may make things more difficult. So maybe if I don't feel happy, I need to find the happy because that's the most important part. 

Surprising Bonus from a Skip Step

Sometimes when I'm walking downstairs I miss a step. You know that moment when your foot skims a step and you feel like you are going to die. I may be 30 years old and in decent health, but missing a step makes your life flash before your eyes and for a second you think, "This is how I go."

A month ago I made a huge, purposeful skip step in my life.  I quit my job to stay home, to be....a stay at home mom. The choice was a long time coming and quite a few things lined up that both forced and made it possible. This post is not about those things. 

I had a few expectations that came from quitting: organization, cleaner house, less madness and peace of mind. I found something that I didn't expect and something so priceless. I would never trade this outcome for a million dollars.

Cami, my oldest, is different. Many posts talk about her differences from other children in practically every way.  She doesn't show love in the typical child way.  Even as a baby, she would rather kick her legs on the couch or floor than cuddled. When she was in her toddler years, she didn't say 'I love you' often and hugs were rare. 

Within the first week home, I noticed a change in Cami. In one week, she came up to me 3 times for a hug (and not because she was hurt or sad). As a mom who worked so hard for her the last five years (almost six), that expression is something I've missed her whole life. A hug can say so much more than words.  

I didn't expect or plan on hugs, but it's better than all the money in the world.

The Future in 12 months or less

Day 28 of 2017 and it's already been a year with some wonderful big changes. Like every year, I like I to "predict" what the future holds for the Hunt family.
This year looks a lot shorter, but I think that's a good thing. Less trouble to get into. ;)

1. Kindergarten- Cameron starts kindergarten this year. In fact, I'm pretty sure registration is next month.  What a weird stage to be in with a kid in elementary school.

2. Community Sports- I would love to get Cameron more involved in community sports, especially swimming before we go to Bear Lake again. She's had a small fear of water that I think some classes at the community center could help. With a little confidence, she will do so much better.

3. Emily will chat it up- Emily already talks a lot, but every week she seems to pick up more words and she's started to actually converse. Useful words she picked up recently include: Need help, poop, more, milk (which sounds more like mewt). More words will make it so much easier to take care of her.

4. Dave- Hard to say what's in store for Dave careerwise.  He feels like he's where he needs to be right now, but he's always looking for new opportunities. Not necessarily a promotion, either, but somewhere that he can learn more and be more valuable to the company.
He's been really active for the past two months and we've been trying to make healthier choices. He's starting to see some great things in his health. I hope this year he feel better and it continues in the way he hopes/wants.

5. Let's Go Out-  My biggest goal this year has nothing to do with losing weight or running a marathon. This year I really want to focus on my marriage. Not that we're struggling or fighting. It's hard when you both work full-time, especially when your schedules are split and you have young children, to maintain a connection.
We rely on babysitters during the week while we work, so it's sometimes hard to find a babysitter for weekend nights too. I've started to check in with the Young Women in the ward to start paying for babysitters. It's early stages. I haven't found anyone yet, but I'm optimistic. If we can get out more than once a month, I'll be thrilled.

6. Friends- 2016 was good and bad for friends, but 2017 looks really good. Reach out a little and it comes back around. It's all about action too. I learned that last year. You can't expect people to just show up and want to be your friend. If you want a relationship/friendship, you need to put the effort into it. I have great hopes. I believe in friendships both old/new. It's important to have community/tribe in your life. Especially when things go South, it's important to have people there to help/support you.

7. Finish It-  Here it is again. I'm pretty sure I've had this on my prediction post three years in a row to finish the book. This year I can do it for real.  I only have 1.5 point of view characters left. That's nothing. Last year I did 2.5 point of view characters, so really 2017 is mine for Project Torrent.
8. College Debt Be-Gone- Dave's college debt is almost gone and our financial goal this year is to finish it off. When we first were married, we had tons of debt between the two of us and six years later we're almost free of the big ones. Quick, knock on wood before one of our cars breaks down.

9. Work Venture- I see something new and/or different for me this year.  I constantly talk about how much I love my job.  I love the relationships I've built with the providers in my territory and making a difference with cancer research (even if it is kind of indirectly). It's given me a lot of purpose and joy to solve some of the insurance problems I run into.  Helping people is so important to do every day and I'm lucky I get paid to do it.  It's really wonderful and I have a hard time seeing myself doing anything else, but 2017 brought some unexpected changes in the past few weeks. Changes in our family needs (*cough* not pregnant) mean that my job may change.

10. Temple- Oh ya, I saved this church one for last so you can skip it if you aren't into it. Almost ten years ago, I made some less than stellar choices for a boy, a boy who dumped me pretty fast. I stepped away from the LDS church for a while and was pretty unhappy. I'm not going  to tell anyone what's right or wrong, I started going back to church because it made me happy. Man, it was hard. That's another topic for another time. I've been going to church pretty solid for about 8 years. Every year I say this is the year I make it to the temple. Saying and doing are different hings.  It's so terrifying after you have made very poor choices. It's frightening to sacrifice. It's terrifying to go alone. Even with repentance, those things helped me become who I am-even as a member and they aren't going to disappear. So even though I'm crazy scared and I feel super unworthy, I'm going to do my best to go inside this year.

2017 looks pretty scary in a couple of ways. There are a lot of uncertainties about the future, that I'll try to blog about as I go. I don't really know where my family or me will be at the end of the year. I hope the changes that look so scary bring more joy. I hope more than anything that I will feel happier this year. Isn't that the greatest hope for 2017?  More joy.

Worth it moment

Yesterday was a hard day. Full time working mom with young kids burns me out.  Thursdays can be especially bad.  Emily has been teething and Cami is in full defiant,  not-listening mode.  I even sent her to time out.
Twenty minutes after bed time,  Cali
Cami starts yelling.
As usual,  her blankets are "all scrumpous".
While I'm pulling her blankets tight around her she keeps talking.
"I feel better now , mommy"
"I'm glad.  I'm sorry you had a hard time today. " I say,  thinking of the screaming, telling and 'I'm not doing that'.
"Tomorrow I can try to do better. " It's said perfectly ,  with no hesitation. "I will listen to grandma. " (she's going to my mom's for the weekend today).
I say something totally out of a book, "It's true tomorrow is a new day. "
After spending the afternoon in frustrated tears,  I needed to hear my own advice too. One day at a time.

The time I almost flashed Maintenance.

I'm not a free spirit. Nursing or not, I don't nurse Emily in public if I can avoid it. Not my thing, but if it's yours, that's cool.
She's taken to nursing really well and so I am privileged to pump milk at work.
Let's just be up front and say my work is not used to nursing women and the facilities are pretty evident.
It took a full month for them to find a place for me to regularly break and pump (aln old, empty office). The only problem I ran into, was an occasional locked door.
This was fine for a total of two weeks before I nearly expose myself to Maintenance Department .

So one day I'm hanging out (literally) in the locked office, doing my thing when the door knob starts turning. It's probably just someone trying to make a personal call, they'll leave right?
Nope, then the lock starts to turn. I'm quick to announce my presence, "I'm in here."
He leaves for like two minutes and comes back, "Still in here!"
"Maintenance. We need to get in there."
He's clearly not getting it. I call my supervisor to chat with them.
The conversation goes something like this.
Supervisor: Someone's in there. We've been instructed by Customer Service Manager that this is the place to do it.
Maintenance: she's supposed to go to the other building.
Supervisor: that's not very convenient. We've been given the okay already.
Maintenance: well, we have complaints of a chemical smell and we need to check it out. Wait, does she use any chemicals when she pumps.
Supervisor tried to keep a straight face: no

There are no words. I did not flash him and why would I used chemicals around milk I'm going to feed my baby. No words