12.31.2018

2018: That Was Unexpected

It's weird to look back on this year. It's been a big year of changes for my family and me. I had no idea what 2018 was going to be like. How naiive and innocent I was to picture it as this journey forward. I mean, look at this. I love my optimism and hope for the future. It's easy to expect the same, when there hasn't been loss.
So this year, there's more highlights/lowlights than I expect, but they are things that I want to remember. For all the good and the bad, 2018 was unforgettable. I'm breaking it down this year to "Hellos" and "Goodbyes".

*Heart eye face*
1.Finally Fenced: We've been in this house for seven years in January. SEVEN YEARS without a fence. This summer we finally put up a fence. Our neighbors are not great and it was time to set boundaries and expectations. Believe it or not, this visual representation of my desired relationship with them has actually worked. Less parties and less loud nights. Color me surprised. It's great to have a fenced area. Our house looks so much neater.




I steal photos from Facebook for work
pictures. *shrug*
2.Dave Promotion: Dave actually interviewed for a few positions this year. He landed himself in a promotion at Verizon Wireless as is his yearly tradition. He now manages a team that troubleshoots tech for smaller-mid size companies (I think. He'll let me know if I'm wrong). He's really enjoyed this position and the people he works with. He's had some really great opportunities to get to know the executive side of things during two national conferences in New Jersey.


Emily in the dress she wears every day.
3.Emily Pre-School: It was "iffy" for a minute if we were going to make it to pre-school this year. Emily relapsed potty training a few times and I didn't know if she was ready. I think two weeks before she finally got it down (mostly). She's in love with school and her new friends. She's learning a lot like "eating crackers" and songs. It's been really nice for mom (me) to have some free time twice a week). It's worth every penny.
Her interests haven't changed too much. She loves Paw Patrol & PJ Masks.





She's too grown up!
4. Cami 1st Grade: Cami goes to school all day now! She's gone from 8:20-3:25 Monday-Friday. It's been so weird. School is going great for her. She is super smart and has really enjoyed the computer programs they do in class to practice reading and math (Prodigy & Lexia). She's made a lot of new friends this year. We're lucky so many of them live close.
Cami's interests have evolved a lot this year. She started the year loving LOL Dolls more than anything on the planet. Now, she loves baby dolls (Baby Alive and American Girl style). She loves to play family or school with her dolls. She also has really taken to musicals, especially "The Greatest Showman". I can't tell you how many times we listened to the CD.



Spunky and cuddly
5. Cadence: A cat is a big choice. It's a choice we have thought about for a while. This discussion moved up in the fall when we caught four mice in three weeks. We aimed for a Christmas surprise, but it didn't work out. One week before Christmas we surprised the girls with Cadence, a tabby from CAWS. She was found by a family in a barn in a box. There was glass all around the box and the mom abandoned them. She lived with a foster family, who named her Cadence. When we held her for the first time, I knew she was ours. She settled in my arms and let me pet her. She is still a kitten, so she's pretty feisty sometimes, but she loves her cuddles, and has the loudest growling purr known to mankind.

Snapshot of one day because reasons.
6. Tate Staycation: This year, as a family, we opted to adventure around Utah instead of our usual Bear Lake adventure. It was a lot of fun. We rode the Heber Creeper, went for a hike, did a long bike ride in the hot sun, and had fun together as a family. I love my family so much. It doesn't matter what we do. When we are together there is so much laughter and happiness (for me, anyway). I love that my kids get to grow up close to their cousins. They will always have someone in their corner.






Cami swimming,
7. Swim Lessons: This summer we did two swim lessons with both kids. The first time I took Emily to the Rec Center, I kept looking up afraid she was drowning. That's a little peak into what it's been like.The second lessons we did at our neighbor's pool. Her kids teach swimming lessons and I will never go back to the rec center. Cami thrived with their older daughter, Endia. She put her face in the water (A LOT). Emily floats really well too and she's working through some of the motions. It was so fun to see them grow in their confidence. Water park next year, here we come!

Magic here?
8. Up With Kids: I did it. I enrolled Cami in an extracurricular activity during the school year. I had to though. Up With Kids is a kind of performance art class. They sing, dance, and teach basics about acting and performing. This year they are doing a knock-off of "The Greatest Showman" called "The Greatest Show". She has gone back and forth between loving it and not loving it. Ha! She's one of the older kids in the class (it ranges from 4-1st grade). The teacher is amazing and makes it so much fun for her. I think at the end she will have really enjoyed her time in this class.


Snapshot of the good and the hard.
9. Ohio: As will be featured in the Goodbye section. My brother-in-law passed away unexpectedly in November. I literally dropped everything and flew to Ohio with my mom two days later. As I mentioned. I love my family so much and I needed to be there with my sister and family. It was an incredibly difficult experience. The house where I remember Greg felt too quiet without him. Watching my sister and her children hurt was so hard. Among the difficult things, there were a lot of good experiences. I haven't seen the Ohio family in many years (outside of Lara and Melissa coming during Mark's funeral). I loved building relationships, healing relationships and being there together. It was hard, but it was fun too.


Isn't she lovely?
10. Allergies: Remember how I have no shame and I'm a pretty open book. Here's a pretty picture of me from earlier this month. Right before Christmas I learned I was allergic to Tide with Febreeze. I've never had issues with Tide or Febreeze, but I learned my lesson that mixing them must trigger something in my body. I've never been in so much pain in my life. I would rather give birth than experience another allergic reaction.
It lasted about 4-5 days. My sweet friends, neighbors, and family helped so much during this time. I have no idea what I would have done without everyone. They helped with the kids, meals, medication, etc. It's okay to ask for help.




I'm not good at taking pictures on vacation.
So this is one day, one event. 
11.Hunt/Larsen Cabin Trip: Dave's mom's family has a cabin that we get to visit once a year. In the past few years we haven't gone overnight. This year we dared the overnight experience. It was rough, but the mantra when we go anywhere is "we don't come here to sleep". Ha! The girls had so much fun though! We painted rocks, did play doh, went for walks/hikes, played in the river, played games, and a lot of other stuff. Cami still asks when we will go back.







This is literally a picture of our
trunk when we left.
12. Game Weekend: This year we tried something new. We got together with some of our friends for a weekend in Park City playing games and hanging out together. It was like an adult vacation, a very nerdy, adult vacation. With games, hot tub, going out to dinner, watching movies. It was so awesome! I can't wait to go again.







This is me!
13. Temple: This picture says a thousand words to me. It says, "Ten years!". It says, "The gospel is real and true. This is real joy. It's never too late.It's worth every step to get back"  I came back to church seven years ago and I really struggled with some things. In the past few years, on paper, I was ready. I wasn't really ready though. Two bishops, multiple family members, and friends have been so encouraging to me; but I  needed to do it when the time was right. It's a Limited Use Recommend. I don't feel ready for the big step yet, but I'm working on it. When I stepped in the temple again, I didn't cry or break down on the carpet. I smiled. That's it, guys. It' walking into a room that feels right and feels good. This year I've needed the gospel more than ever. Eternity is real. I keep thinking of Job 19:26, "..after my skin worms destroy this body, yet shall I see God." I replace that with the names of those I've loved and lost (Dad, Mark, Greg, Grandparents).


This beautiful woman clearly does not
have Hoshimoto's. 
14. Hoshimoto's Disease: This should come as no shock to those around me. Every woman in my mom's family has been diagnosed with hypothyroidism (literally). I was diagnosed with it shortly after Cami's birth. I started seeing a new primary care this year and Dr. Kininkini has changed my life for the better. She ran multiple tests on me and determined more than just hypothyroidism was causing me trouble: Hoshimoto's Disease. Finally an explanation for my almost constant fatigue and bouts of depression and crazy (even with anti-depressants). It didn't rock my world as much as I thought. No new doctor appointments and no new treatments. It just gives me a "why" my thyroid medication keeps increasing. My body wants to destroy my thyroid. NBD.




1. Mark: In February my little brother died by suicide with a gunshot to his head. He was only 28 years old. I knew him practically my whole life. Anxiety and depression are not strangers in my family. If anything, they are a constant presence. Mark could be hard to love, but we were very similar and understood each other so well.When we were younger we used to fight worse than cats and dogs, but I'd like to think we were a lot closer before he died. He told me he wanted to die in August 2017. I did everything in my power to help him. Offered to set up a budget to help his money problems, helped him find counseling through the LDS church (which actually didn't work out because Bishops are human and made some choices I don't agree with). I made him dinner and invited him over several times a week. I encouraged his passions in art and books. I encouraged space from toxic people. When he left so young, he left a hole, a big hole. He was funny, subtle, smart, and thoughtful. Mental illness is real and we can all do more to help. 

2. Greg: My sister, Lara, married Greg when I was five or six years old. I remember leaning over his shoulder after the wedding to get a peak at their presents. I don't think I understood then the difference he would make in my life. So many key points in my life were guided by his words. I don't mean that in a cliche, weird way, but it's true. Greg could get anyone talking. When I was a teenager, Greg and Lara, lived two blocks away. I remember my time there more than my time at home during that period of my life. He was always there to cheer me up, encourage me in my future, and make me laugh. We sevrved on a youth committee with Greg at church since we were in the same ward. He had a fantastic testimony and shared it in these meetings sometimes. Right before I left for college, he gave me this cheesy safety talk (he used to be a Highway Patrolman). He told me to be careful, always lock my door, be smart, and don't lose focus. Or when I came to visit between, we would talk about boys, to my utter embarrassment and eventual clarity over what to do with certain situations. It's so weird that he's gone. I wish I spoke to him more often. 

I had a few other things I was going to mention, but I don't think they matter. After writing about my brothers (one by blood, one by marriage), who cares about the other stuff. Life can change in a year. Families can change in a year. They change by choice and involuntarily. I'd like to say I have no regrets with my brothers, but I do. I don't know if anyone can truly say they have no regrets when someone close dies. 
If I picked one word for this year, it was family. Family for good or worse. We are in it together. Whether you want it or not. There will be more loss, pain, and death. People don't live forever. We don't get to choose that. I can choose how my relationships in my family continue in the future (that's right, you all have to love me! I'll make you love me! I kid, relationships are two sided). I'd like to say I did my best to love those around me- ESPECIALLY my family. 
So there it is in all it's painful, wonderful glory. 2018: an unexpected year of pain and happiness.