Ghost of Christmas Past

The "Ghost of Christmas Past" has haunted me all month.  Things are so different now. The cold air bites my face and fingers while I stand at the Trax station.  The sight of snow makes me swear and I trudge through the snow without creating a "secret snowangel". 
KSL and Energy Solutions Arena are decked out in supposedly bright lights to reflect the holiday spirit. Instead, the dull Christmas lights in the trees glare at me from the branches. At temple square, the lights are bright but in a way that reminds me of Hollywood--desperate and superficial. I mean Jesus is floating in the reflecting pool. 
Christmas is in a week and I haven't even watched a single Christmas movie.  "A Charlie Brown's Christmas Story", "The Santa Clause" and "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" have not moved from the back of my movie binder.  The seem likely to remain.
I work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. When people ask me about Christmas it seems hollow, like an obligation. I feel like a cynic.  Christmas used to be about giving when you didn't have to (even if it was from the dollar store), about cheesy Christmas carols on metal pipes with cousins (singing as off-key as I could to cover up my timing).  I remember my Grandpa Lewis reading the Christmas story in a strong clear voice while the cousins put up pictures on the flannel board. It used to be about monster breakfast (the best meal of the year); or families, where I could have my brothers and sister and their families to make me feel like I belonged. 
Christmas traditions have changed and I feel a little left in the dust.  Instead of Christmas carrying me to where My mom and dad are great, but spending Christmas in front of the tree by myself is just a bigger reminder of what used to be.  I remember sitting in the circle with the tree and family.  I guess this is what most "single" people feel. I feel like I missed the Christmas train and now there's no going back. I kinda wish I could skip Christmas this year, it blows.


Domestic is the holiday game

When did I cross the thresh-hold to adulthood? Some would say at the age of 18, with the freedom of moving out, college and voting.  My parents would say when I turned 20 and landed a "real" job and purchased a car.  A few choice friends of mine would suggest 21, when you can enter ritzy clubs and purchase anything off the menu. 
I say nay; the day of adulthood started this month. When my Christmas list contains more practical and domestic things than anything else on the list. To show you in detail. This is my Christmas list condensed to the things I want the most.

-rolling pin
-measuring spoons
-IKEA pillow
-fitted sheet (for my pillow top--on both sides)
-Shade's Children
-large flat frying pan (I'm not even sure about the proper name)

So there it is. My domestic Christmas dreams. In a cute little list that is a demonstration of growing up.


Falling for my view

Fall is my favorite time of year. Halloween, pumpkins, acceptable temperatures and slightly cloudy days. My favorite part of fall is the leaves changing. I usually take time to hit up the mountains for a little stroll through the fallen leaves. The feel of the crunching leaves beneath my feet and the cold through my sweater. This year, that sounds pretty awkward and I can't seem to find time during the day. I looked out the window today and was super surprised to see this gorgeous view. Almost every changing leaf color in one solid view. I hope my heaven has fall leaves out every window with reds, oranges, fading green and yellow. Where the wind drifts the leaves, but never rests them on the ground. The heaven will have some leaves already on the ground that never grow soggy or rot, that crunching noise forever retained and echoed outside my window. There's something so soothing about fall.


Memories of Y

A couple of weeks ago, I ventured out of familiar territory to an old friend/foe. The "Y" on the mountain has always been some sort of beacon, a keypoint on the map to Grandma's house or family gatherings.
I sat by myself on this recent journey, in the back of my parents blue Durango. I stared at that "Y", remembering....
Mark and I as children, arguing vehemently in the back seat about some cartoon or music principle. Mom would interrupt us loudly, cutting off our argument, "I see the 'Y', who else can see it."
Silence would take over while our child-enhanced vision searched the mountains for that important point of the journey.
Upon finding it, the argument always continued with a new subject; who saw it first.  I saw it first recently, no argument there. My parents didn't have to point it out and it makes me miss childhood. How little things like the "Y" on the mountain could bring me a sense of satisfaction.  Adulthood is so complicated.


Laces Out

I love football season. As a University of Utah alumni, I follow my running Utes with a fervor and religion that none can match.  I am also Cowboy fan by default (or my roommate would like destroy me).  I also joined a league in my neighborhood that plays on Wednesdays and a bunch of friends play on Thursdays. Today I caught a good pass and ran a touchdown. I scored my first touchdown of my life. It was magical.  A few of the guys congratulated me, including the football savvy John.  So maybe I can make that my job, running touchdowns? lol. I brought a little love for my Utes up there from the game against UNLV, a fantastic run! Love my Utes!


Handle with Chopsticks

Today just got way better.

Today was pretty much garbage filled with a long checklist smelly rotting garbage. It was a day that called for more than my usual Pearl Jam station on Pandora or even a Diet Coke with Lime.  It took the lovely tastes of Sushi, specifically a Philadelphia and California roll... Woot!


and a Three hour tour

It's a day like every day. My mouth spits out a sigh while my body lunges out of bed. I don my typical business attire and glare in the mirror. I may look the part but I don't feel the part
I feel as though I have had more interviews than Barbara Walters, without any visible emotional damage. Such is the life of a new graduate. Interviews and applications squared and maybe multipled to the hundredth power.
Professional is a goal I threw out a long time ago. Interviewers don't want to hear me list everything in a perfect, precise data way.  My interviews are fun now, for an hour I feel like I connect and laugh with someone.  I know they won't call me, but that's okay for now.
Then I get home, take off the happy mask and feel exhaustion to the fullest. One can't perform like this solidly unless you really are Barbara Walters.
She gets something from her interviews, whether it's an emotional explosion from the president or a hefty check from network; her job is rewarding.
My job is interviews and I'm not getting paid with dollar signs and numbers. I'm not even getting paid in emotional trauma from the other person.
Today's interview was over 3 1/2 hours long. It's not a job I want or even think about. The hours and the position sucks, but frankly, I'm tired of worrying. I'm tired of being Barbara...


Discovery Channel's faded cami

Their camouflage glows a dull green in night vision cameras.  Different men from different states have clear eyes when they talk about the training.  Their eyes don't show any pain or fear, but vomit still sticks to their lips and their muscles shake with fatigue.  SFC. Wilson nods his square shaped nose to the pool as a fellow squad member voluntarily removes himself from the program.
The instructors show both sides to the camera. Their tattoos stick out underneath dark labeled shirts while they talk about the squad with frustration and expectation.
I'm talking military here: Marines, Army, Air Force, Navy, you know them all. My little brother joined the Marine Corp. last year and it sparked my interest in the military and the men and women behind the camouflage and straight laced uniforms. Discovery Channel opens minds to the training and the people behind the forces protecting our country. "Surviving the Cut" rocks my socks and delivers hope in the strength and power of the United States. This show made my day and will every week. Thank you military!


Two favorites to save a bad day

Although today was a pretty big drag (failing a test and still being jobless); two things saved this day from a complete loss.

#1 "Walk Away" by Ben Harper--
This song is so amazing. it puts "the happy in my ness". His voice and the lyrics match so well.

#2 Casablanca--I don't love this movie for the chick-flick factor (which I dislike very much). My favorite part about the movie is the way the music molds the movie into more than a motion picture. It molds it into such a magnificent artistic creation. The contrast in the colors and they way the mood lighting hits Ingrid Bergman displays such a magical feeling and sparks my imagination. It's like tasting a fruit for the first time. The color is nice but then bam, the taste mixes with the color in your brain.


Falling to Idaho

Marcus in the morning is my favorite DJ in the world (94.9 ZRock).  He is a hot, hilarious ball of delightful giggles.  He hooked me up with a trip to Idaho with his promotions director, Bonnie and him last Thursday, a quick trip up and back. I love them so much! We went up to see some fantastic bands: Royal Bliss, Warrant and Cinderella.

Marcus and I...see how hot he is and awkward I am
The story occurred before we even left Utah.  We stopped at this ghetto little Maverick to juice up for the journey.The cashier had the best hair ever, you could see where the bump-it ended and her hair started. Fantastic...I love Utah.It is so awkward...we had to document it

Just look at it, it's like a growth off her head,
Bonnie can't even look at her it's so ridiculous


Timp's Midnight Madness

Last Friday I made a decision, probably one of the worst decisions of my life: Timpanogas midnight hike. It's a life goal that I should have erased instead of completed...Four hours of the most treacherous terrain. Maybe I exaggerate a little. The hike itself wasn't that bad, but my lung power hated it. When we got to the top, it was 37 degrees and my little jacket did not help. We had an hour and a helf until sunrise and I didn't think I would make it. Worst decision ever.

Cold enough for a space blanket, says Tiffany
While everyone went to the real summit; Tiffany, Takara and I stayed behind. The higher they went, the more wind and the coler it would be. So Liz busted out a blanket for use while we waited, a space blanket. That's right, we even had a space blanket and we were still freezing.

Takara and I trying to pretend like this is fun and worth it

The view in the daylight

 Magical Sunrise

I sat upon the mountain and I thought, "Check, life goal completed." So was this sunrise worth it? I have seen many a sunrise in my day. Girls Camp, family vacations and quests for shooting stars have granted me this opportunity more than once a year. Utah mountains are something special to me. They are so strong and seem to be standing guard at all times. This hike was perilous and the sight was gorgeous, but I can see this lovely sight any place in Utah- the mountains are everywhere. 
So next time count me out of the Timpanogas hike, I'll take the elevator, thanks.


Barking babies

Babies are funny creatures. Although I don't mind babies very much, the under 2 year old population's general is unfavorable towards Michelle.
My own nieces and nephews used to burst into tears while I wrapped them in my arms.  Nothing is more wonderful than holding a blue-eyed, chubby, dimpled baby.  Those little babies will look up at me with wide eyes, wrinkle their cheeks just a bit and cry like I've just stabbed them with hundreds of needles.
Last night, after a rough day, I headed to my personal bar-like place, "7-Eleven".  I headed out into the dark humid heat for my icy diet Coke beverage (preferably with some Lime-age).
The walk favored a few neighbors as well.  A group of friends and a young couple pushing a child in a stroller. A strange noise issued from the stroller and I thought I heard the baby talking or something. How cute....
I was pretty excited to see the child leaning out of the stroller to look at me. 
The kid was not crying, but talking to me...how cute. So I listened carefully, to hear what the kid was saying. As I leaned in, I found out the baby wasn't crying or speaking to me--the baby was barking.
Barking, as in a small dog sound, not the fake "woof" or "bark"; the baby was legitimately barking at me. It's pretty bad when a baby cries in your face, or even when a baby kicks you, but this was a completely different playing field.
So here's to you, little baby in a stroller, introducing me to a completely new level of shame.


Wild Cow Milking

I haven't updated the blog in forever! Life has been pretty interesting and I have been trying to keep a mental list of all my potential blogs. For this one I want to step back to July 23, 2010. My best friend, Brandon, is an interesting man (single btw ladies). Brandon likes country and metal music, clubs, scary movies, drives a big fat truck, and loves Taco Bell. He's fantastic and the best (not blood) brother I know.
 He invited me to go on this double date thing with his brother and his brother's "friend" (who didn't end up going) to the Days of 47 Rodeo 2010. I have never been to a rodeo. I don't feel the need, but I love Brandon and I haven't seen him or hung out with him in a really long time.
It was epic. Epic--as in "tight Wrangler jeans, big hats and cut-off plaid shirts epic".
I laughed, I cried inside and fully enjoyed myself. I thought I would share some moments with youl
First of all, the Army brought the flag down from the ceiling for the Pledge of Allegience (which I haven't said since the sixth grade). Men in uniform, coming down from the cieling....epic.
 First event...the classic bronco....fantastic pic right?

At some point, this guy fell off the horse and hit his head. Brandon and I counted people standing around him....that's 12 people, not counting the two paramedics...lol...lots of love...He ended up being the only one to go to the hospital (for "precautionary" measures). Sure, I go to the hospital all the time when I want to take precautions....or have a serious head inury.

 Loved this too...the bull...Whooo! Talk about intense, through this whole event I was on the edge of my seat.
I don't have a picture of my favorite event. I was laughing so hard, it definitely wasn't possible to get anything stable. Wild cow milking is epic.   Two guys, one on a horse and one running. The horse guy lassos a wild horse, while the one running tries to milk it into a cup....It is hilarious and apparently very difficult.  Loved it!
So I definitely see more rodeos in my future.
On our way out to the car we were also graced with a loaf of bread.  Nothing says, "Thank you, pioneer ancestors" than a free loaf of bread.


My brother is like Lazarus (dream)

I had a most interesting dream last night. Before I launch into the magical, horrific details; I need to tell you a true fact.  I have a brother who was born two years before me.  He died after two weeks due to a missing chamber in his heart (or something like that); he is a star role in this dream. The part that absolutely shocks me.
The scene takes place at my old house in Sandy. My parents and I are trying to take care of a three dead bodies (plastic or real, I'm not sure).  My basement is bare, all the walls and insulation are missing and the the bodies are in random places around. It was really gross or scary like it sounds. I felt annoyed to carry them with my dad because I was so tired.  My friend, Aaron, was there and instead of making me feel better or helping me carry it. He just stares at the bodies and sobs uncontrollably. (Thanks, Aaron).
Finally, it's over. My parents and I are upstairs lounging after such a strenuous time.  I'm sitting in one corner of the couch and my mom in the other. Aaron is gone and my dad is sitting in the rocking chair.  He looks over at me and says, "Michelle, your brother is coming up."  I knew that my brother, Brent, was supposed to have a room downstairs and in my mind's eye (in the dream) I could see the room with all of the stuff that should have been his.  The floor was kind of glowy in his room and started raising in the air. 
The couch and rocking chair face the stairs and I see Brent walking up the stairs, covered in a brown/black mixed blanket. It wasn't creepy, I was excited to see him.  At the top of the stairs, he takes off the blanket and walks over.  Brent stands in the middle of the room, tall with darkish hair like Derrick and Mark, looking at me with dark green eyes.  He smiles and sits down between my mom and me.  He sits there next to me and instead of talking with all of us, he looks at me, "Michelle, I have something to tell you."  I could see his excitement and joy in his wide open smile, showing his teeth, long and nearly perfect, with two teeth slanting slightly to the left side of his face. He put his left hand on my folded knee and looks deep in my eyes and I wake up. It is so annoying to wake up at such pivotal moments in a dream.  It felt so incredibly real and he looked like he could be my brother. So weird!


Polynesian California Girls

It's been a long time, finally I found something worthy of a good blog.
Next to my cubicle, an 8 month pregnant Ana was telling me about this great Samoan festival in West Valley last week.  In my high school, there was a large population of Samoan and Tongan students. I love the culture a lot and some of my really good friends are Samoan and Tongan.  The food is great and I admit that I find a good solid Poly pretty attractive.
So I went to the annual Samoan Flag Day Festival in West Valley with my roommate. Now, I have felt the minority before, but this time multiplied my feelings of minority to a large degree.
It seemed as though every Polynesian family in Utah traveled there on Friday night, thousands and thousands.  It was a sea of beautiful tanned arms and bright brown eyes.  My roommate is really blonde and I am whiter than a wedding dress.  We stood out so much, there was no need for a spotlight or anything to get noticed. 
The night was a talent night, featuring dancing skills to West Side Story, lovely traditional dances and I discovered my new favorite youtube feature/talent: the Rose Park Drill Team.  It was epic, I could never top the grace and beauty that these incredibly talented Tongan men had.  I want to share it with the world.  Here is the exact performance I witnessed via Youtube.


Sell me your car, Logan

I've been in the market for a new car for a couple of weeks now.  I hate looking for cars and I am so over this frustration and irritation. With each salesman, I want to grab each of them and throw them into oncoming traffic. Do you think they could still try and sell me a car older than mine and with more mileage with their heads caved in?
Today pretty much topped my least favorite days on my quest for a car that is worth it. I have a friend who has some serious connections in Logan.  We went up there today and I brought a little hope with me.
The test driving experience was less than golden. The first car I test drove was a Scion XD. It's not my dream car nor is it anything that I could ever "love" or learn to love. It was a good drive though and I enjoyed myself until we hit the train tracks.  I paused the car at the first stop sign before the train tracks and as I was moving forward the car stopped half way on the train tracks
My friend, Takara, looks over at me, "Go, Michelle..."  I press my foot all the way to floor on the gas and it doesn't move.  The salesman suggests turning the car off and then back on- the car still doesn't start. We ran out of gas on my first test drive in the middle of a train track.
After a half hour wait and realizing this car is not agreeing with me, we are back at the dealership.  The next test drive is for a newer Camry.  After getting into the car, the engine doesn't turn over and lights are out--the battery is dead.
My frustration and exhaustion grows. My life is epic and maybe I'm not meant to be happily driving a new car..Maybe my car, "Henry-Peter", is my curse. Too bad I don't remember what I did so badly in my last life to deserve this.



As you can see, it's one o'clock in the morning. I'm up and typing blogs. This blog is my funny story blog. My current situations are not funny right now at all.
Work is always interesting in a call-center environment. I'm not actually on the phones but I see so many people come in and out. I meet so many "interesting" people.  The kind of people you could only meet at a call-center: men with green hair and large ear gauges, women with twitches, greasy hair, and probably holes in their arms, old desperate people that break my heart and young people who think they have the world at their fngertips and that Census will change the world.
In my area, working quality, I interact with people more to my liking.  I have attracted an interesting group of friends and people Two married men (one with two adorable kids); a little bit of a "grossie" who is more interested in me than I will ever be, a tall guy in HR who I was crushing on until he got a girlfriend, and a 7 month pregnant Polynesian woman. These people are so fantastic and the conversations we have could change the world, or at least solve world hunger. So there's my amusing, shout-out to my co-workers.


Crashing rental cars

They say when you come close to dying that your life flashes before your eyes. Maybe I wasn't close to death, but my new pet goose egg on the side of my head looks more like evidence of survival than coincidence. Only minutea before, i lay across the back seat, trying to catch sleep from the night before. I lazily slid my feet behind the driver, whining. The light was green, we drove through and got t-bones by a blonde girl in pinstripe black business pants. My first thought as I saw her heading to my window was, "she is going to stop, right?" impact was quick and like the worst part of a roller coaster, when you rock back and forth grinding heavily to a stop. My next thought, "these Air bags suck" as I rolled up the car door and smacking the window first before they popped out.--a little late.
My phone has been dead all day and I can't find a charger. Right now my fellow travelers are talking to family and/or friends. Im sitting outside, wwondering if we will make it back to Utah. I'm wondering if that would be a bad thing. My ok would miss me, but am I accomplishing anything. I'm scared and I am tired of taking so much responsibility. We see mark tomorrow and I'm so stoked to see my little brother. I just wish he was here now because I know that he would tell me not to worry, and mean it. It's almost like that scene from the car. Where I'm scared the air bags won't go off. Mark is an airbag; he takes me in my weak fear and tells it's ok to be scared, but I shouldn't be scared cause he is there to save my shattering skull. Like our transport, mark is just a rental. He won't be there to remind me of strength forever


Dreaming is gross spiders stuck on me

There is a disease that strikes everyone once in a while. When it strikes my mom, she will sit up for the majority of the darkened night turning pages in a book.  My dad reacts differently, throwing himself into projects for days or weeks at a time. 
This nasty disease has struck me a few times this year.  It has struck again, stress has turned me into a dreaming fool. I dream more than ever these days and every morning I wake up with emotion and energy remaining. 
Right now I have one stuck in my head from a few days ago (it's a little tragic that so much of my internal memories are being consumed by dreams-not knowledge, school or books).  I can't get it out of my head.
The whole dream happens in my bedroom. I'm stuck in my room, like a jail cell.  There are spiders beginning to crawl everywhere.  My cell-mate is fully aware of the spiders and tells me it's like an introductory session for prison.
I look at the spiders closely, without fear, to see if any of the spiders are dangerous to me.  The spiders are in all shapes and sizes but one, in the corner by my door-strikes my interest.  It's a light brown color with a huge abdomen and my cell-mate points out that it is looking for a place to set it's nest of eggs down. So I move away from the spider and settle on my bed, frustrated and disliking the situation so much.  I sit up and the spider is gone from the corner.
"Where did it go?"
"I think I saw it on the floor by your foot a minute ago." My cell-mate says calmly, filing her nails.
Freaking out, it's almost like I knew it was coming.  I start shaking my foot and attached to the top of my foot by my toes is a pulsing egg sack from the spider.
Shaking and stuff does nothing. I don't know what to do. My cell-mate laughs and walks away mumbling that she doesn't know how to get it off.  I just kept trying to scrape it off without breaking the eggs because I knew if it broke off, the eggs would hatch and the spiders would eat me.
So I just looked up the key parts and it's a little alarming. I'm so not writing it on this blog.



Fear is an interesting emotion. The emotion, itself, is so strong and I seek to feel it daily.  With my heart pounding and a mini panic attack, it's the best form of caffeine.  The search for fear is simple because I am afraid of stupid things.
When I was in high school, I had a dream that a moose ate a kid on my front porch. The sight, even in a dream, of those straight vegetarian moose teeth chomping on some nine year old's bones was enough to make me fear moose for the rest of my life. Every time I go camping and I see a moose rack or that weird turned over nose, my skin prickles.
I get the same feeling every time I lock my car door without the button on my key chain or slam the trunk. It's a little more than a prickle, my heart literally pounds and i have to check for my eyes in my pocket or purse immediately. I have locked my keys in my car more times than anyone should an I'm pretty sure I have kept Utah locksmiths in business single-handedly.
Back in the animal world, I am also terrified of hippos. I think any animal that lives underwater and is bigger than my car is bound to be harmful of me. At the zoo, the hippos are kept in a big tank that is probably larger than my house. I look into that disgusting dark green, brown water and I can see myself at the bottom, squirming beneath his large feet before it squishes my head.
I think that being alone is a universal fear unless you are homeless or a hermit. Each night, I delay going to bed because sitting my bedroom alone creeps me out.
Today I learned a new fear. A fear that has zero purpose and I can't seem to connect my unconscious to my logical side.  I am terrified of single men in their 20's. How weird is that? I was standing with some of my lady friends tonight and a few singles guys started talking to us and I totally had a mini panic attack. Not necessarily because I was attracted to them. (I should note here that I do like the male population a great deal and I am straighter than the walls support my room) I notice this unease and fear of men in other situations besides social situations too and I usually brush it off and make a game out of it, but today I realized how stupid it is. I am 23 years old and I am terrified of young single adult men. So I guess I will have contradicting fears: of being alone and men. Awesome...


Facebook Pic Fails:Top Ten

There are few things that bring me the same joy as that plain white page with the blue border and friendly looking letters of "facebook".
Social networking is a great thing for the world. The benefits surpass the negatives. I remember when I joined a couple of years ago, isolated from the world in the snowy tundra of Idaho. A few days after joining, a friend from elementary school added me. I hadn't spoken with him since I moved, ten years ago. There is no way I could have duplicated that reunited experience in the "real world".
I have one problem with social networking sites and it's not even the Web site I have a problem with--it's the choice of profile photos by users.
There are many types of profile pictures I am getting tired of seeing. Here's my top 10 in no specific order.

1. Bare pregnant bellies- I understand you're pregnant. Your status says it, your multiple albums say it, and your "baby shower group" I joined says it. I think it's a proud moment, but keep on the cute maternity shirt. Bathroom pictures sharing a large basketball is not adorable unless your a future pedophile. Sorry, it's the way I feel.
2. Weight lifting pictures- What were you thinking while you were standing in the mirror at the gym, that people want to see you actually work out. If its true, we see it in the pictures of you without gym attire.  The best part is sometimes there aren't any muscles. Stop lying to yourself. It makes it look like you go to the gym for photography sessions and that's just weird.
3. Support pictures- This includes ribbons and words, if that's what you are to the world, that's sad. How do you expect to connect or share anything with anyone if that's what you are showing. It's great you support diseaase and death but the Web site is for "social networking" not to show how supportive you are.
4. Kissing pictures- You know when your six and you say "ew" when you see people kiss on tv.  A profile picture featuring a kiss is a prolongued lip engagement and I get tired of seeing you making out with your significant other. If you're in a relationship or married or something; there is nothing wrong with representing your relationship- but come on kissing? You could represent it with a look or leaning together or a kiss on the cheek. Come on...let your profile picture come up for air sometime.\
5. "Dopplegangers"- You are not Bruce Willis, Cameron Diaz or Penelope Cruz. Please let it go. End of story
6. Party/Concert-  If your profile picture is from a party or concert. You are telling me that you are defined by music and not a person. It also says that you are a group of people and I can't see you in that crowd.  I get it, you party. That's enough for me to move on away from your profile. I also heard like 10% of employers look at social networking sites, do you really want to be judged by your beverage and drunken face?
7. Boob pictures-  Women of the world just stop it. I can't say it enough.  We're already exploited in movies, music and online without doing it ourselves.  No one, including other women, is looking at your face in those pictures. I have my own pair, I don't need yours in my face too. Thanks.
8. Shirtless men- Guys do this in their own way too. Stop being shirtless. So many more people see your profile than women. Even if you have a great body, it's childish and stupid-high school. If you're in high school, more power to you, I'm sure your 16 year old girlfriend loves that.
9. Car Pics- Hello men, you are not a car. I will only click on your profile pic if I want a new car or to try and sell mine. If you are a car, you should not be using social networking Web sites.
10. Scenery-  When you're there, it's fantastic.  No one else cares, we can google that stuff. There is no significance to a pretty beach or mountain scenery unless you are actually in the picture. It's your profile picture. If you are scenery, like a car, you should not be on facebook.

I'm not the only one who feels this way, click here for a survey on it and some interesting facts. Please remember It's "your profile", treat it right.


Graduation etc.

Well world, the time has come.  I graduate tomorrow! My cap and gown are sitting in my closet, nearly jumping off the hanger for me. Finally, I will be able to hold a piece of paper that will represent my bachelor's degree and the future of my life. It's a little surreal! To add to my excitement I get the privilege of slapping a U.S. Marines logo sticker on top because my little brother graduates boot camp the same day.
It makes me feel reminiscent, but don't worry, I can't think of any specific moments that have shaped me to here.
I admit I'm a little concerned though. My day begins at 7:00 a.m. and graduation session for me start at 8:30 and 11:15. Unfortunately my temp. job starts at 3:00 p.m. on Friday and I can't miss it because I'm still in training. So my day will be very long. 7:00 a.m.-10:30 p.m. with no time for fun or celebration. I also have to work Saturday, this is the longest week of my life. I feel kind of bummed that I have waited five years for this day and I can't even enjoy it.


Dreaming in Violence

This dream was so intense. I'm still trying to decide if I feel awesome or depressed.
I'm late for church, so I'm running in heels out the door but Mark is there. Apparently he just got back and he looks super depressed, but exactly the same as the day he left. I ask him what happened and he just shrugs his sad shoulders and walks away. Back to task of getting to church, somehow I go in the wrong side door that I usually go in and I'm supposed to be meeting my roommate, Melanie, there. I can't find her.  The church is pretty full and I have to sit in the back on the folding chairs. As I am going to the back, I see this guy standing in last pew and in the middle. He's standing tall, staring at the podium with a very focused look.  I glance down his side, and he's holding a silver revolver in his hand.  I knew that he was going to go on a shooting spree here in the church and no one was noticing or doing anything.  He sees that I have noticed his gun and starts to turn towards me.  I slide a gun down my sleeve into my hand, slide down on the floor and feel a bullet whish above my head. I take my shot and miss three times before a bullet hits him in the shoulder.   He goes down on the pew and I hear cop sirens coming.  Everyone is getting mad at me for disrupting everything and tell me to leave.  I head out the back door and rush into the wooded forest in the back. Mark is there again and this time he talks to me, "Tyler died, you didn't get to the killer in time.".
It's my cousin and his wife is standing at a house door in the distance, hugely pregnant and holding her other baby, Simon.  I slow my run down to a walk and I try to figure out how I'm going to tell her I killed her husband and my cousin (even though I didn't kill him, my slowness in response killed him or something). So did I do right to kill the guy or should I have let him kill me? It was weird..


To the Gold's Gym Trainers

It's going to be a long day. I dropped Henry off again after his schizophrenic behavior returned-I need a more dependable car.
Then I went to the gym to work my back a little bit. Half-way through my workout, my upper back and neck started to ache...sharply.  I cooled down with my usual 20 minute run and then went straight to a trainer. I was hoping he could tell me some ways to stretch it or something, instead the useless man just told me to go to the doctor.  Easy for him to say, with steady income and mostly likely benefits. So it's been hurting for about four hours now. I start work in one hour until 1030.
What if my body is rejecting my head and is trying to force it out with my spinal cord.  That could be pretty exciting. I wonder what people would say and/or do...do you think someone would try to replace my head? That would be realy nice.



So many things in my life ended in the last two days.  Today was the end of my college education.  The final paper was easier than expected and my teacher gave a lot of free point, acts of mercy to the 3/4 of seniors in the class.  I put the paper on his desk and as my fingers left the white pages, I felt a little bit fuller than normal, like when you're starving and eat a roll. The roll is not fulfilling, but it crams your stomach with more material than possible.  One more button click left until my bachelor degree, one paper submission away from ending this era of my life.
Yesterday I finished my internship at the station.  I walked out of those doors and I felt really depressed. I absolutely loved working for Clear Channel.  Working there was a good fit for me. It’s been the best experience of my entire college life.  I know what I want to do with better assurance because of my experience there. Now, the hard part is to compete with the rest of the graduated world for a job in the field I want and where I fit best.  I knocked the college experience out and now I face a much larger opponent, the economy.  I hope my right hook is strong enough to take him out.
These ends create beginnings but I'm so scared. The world is a big place.  I am one person, embarking on a future that seems to be failing. I'm going to face the world and I don't know what to do with it.  I am envious of people who have already conquered this heavy section with a job in place from their internship, a family or something that is continuing to propel them forward. What will propel me now that school is over? I think imagination could do a fine job of that.


Henry's Sick Week

Correct me if i am wrong, but my car does not deserve a sick week.  It barely does 25 mpg and breaks down on me every year.  Henry Peter needs to be put to rest.  Last Thursday, which was one of the most stressful days of my life, he quit on me. 
Autozone made me nervous with a transmission computer diagnosis, so I drove it over to their recommended place of business. Transmasters Transmission in West Valley.  Gary took all my info and assured me that all would be well with my little Stratus. 
Can't say I was feeling awesome after dropping him off, despite the reassurance.  Thanks bunches, my sweet HP for the exercise. Three miles back to my apartment and a lost work-badge later I curse your name.
Four days later, I still didn't know what was going on with my car. They couldn't duplicate the problem. I went to pick up my keys today. Gary handed them over and I asked him what I owed him. He refused to let me pay for something they couldn't figure out. Shout out to Transmasters! As men, they suck at communication by default, but the service was solid!


Two weeks: graduation and my brother!

This last week sucked worse than a Hoover vacuum trying to suck up a fluffy animal.  I keep trying to think of the end.  Class will be over next Friday and I start my new temporary job May 3rd.  Despite these sweet events, two weeks will be even better.  In two weeks, two fantastic things will happen!

1) I will finally graduate.  That's right, dreams do come true.  It only stole five years of my life and all my free time and a lot of opportunities.  The things I do to secure a solid future. The biggest waste of time ever. School is a joke kids, stay young and away from college.

2) My brother will be back from boot camp! I spent the last 20 minutes tagging all the pictures of him on his facebook profile. There was a super awkward picture of him and me. We have fun sometimes...and sometimes we're special. I love that I'm making the most ridiculous evil face ever and he's looking at me, trying not to laugh or smile. I can't wait to see him!



"Sometimes instead of words, I wish I could open my mouth and have a flock of birds fly out."
-Chris Bodily, Sketch Journal

My brother handed me an old faded comic book with thick copy printer lines.  The heavy outlines of characters and objects still sit in my mind several years later.  The characters in it were striking and we wondered what happened to that old friend from high school.  Well we found him, still creating the most thought provoking images I have ever seen. 

He has been producing a sketch journal that features artistic elements and some of his thoughts.  This quote on a flock of birds is so awesome. I wish I could examine every word and what it means. To me it's something different.

I think words can be both overrated and underrated. Often I say things and it has either been spun into a ridiculously large problem or important things have been whittled to nothing.  Words have connotation and denotation that create all sorts of crazy meanings and interpretations to the listeners. When I speak words, they can hear what they want to hear. It's almost guaranteed that the majority of my message will be missed (at least in part). I wouldn't care for a flock of birds to fly out of my mouth, my stories are already long, disjointed sections.  I would like something substantial to come out of my mouth when I speak. Substantial, so that it could not be missed or ignored--a completely honest substance that represents what I am trying to say and who I am.  

That would be epic.



Some people are very "special".  This morning I found a gast station charging a mere 2.99 per gallon...Henry (my sweet Stratus) was in desperate need of some fuel. I started filling the tank and I hear that horrible noise of an engine gagging, not turning over.
The van next to me, filled with people tried several more times without result.  I have some jump cables in my car and although I am not very adept at using them, was willing to try.
I walked over and asked them if they needed a jump.  The woman in the passenger seat was apparently the only one who spoke English and between Spanish yelling on the phone told me that she didn't know what was going on. I offered my help and she said, "I don't think that's appropriate. Thank you." 
Appropriate? Since when is helping considered inappropriate? I took it a little personal. Maybe if I spoke Spanish they would have accepted my help. Or maybe if I was a darker shade and not so flourescent white. I don't get it.
I bet these people passed me when I had a flat tire or when my engine wouldn't start in the pouring rain. It's hard not to tie those things together. Inappropriate? I think turning down legitimate help is inappropriate when you are at a gas station pump, blocking everyone else. Good luck with your "inappropriate" van.


Bloodbath Barbie

   The metallic turkey pan tilted my way. I was thankful I was sitting in the middle of the theater seats instead of the front row. The sight of the Barbie's ripped up head sitting in red liquid mixed with sugar and milk. It was probably pretty close the equivalent of of Hannibal Lecter's cloud nine.
   Although completely disgusting and the connotations of blood and guts of barbie very close to making a few classmates gag, I found the dark humor a great break from the lectures I had and would endure the rest of the day.I have the best Mass Media Law teacher ever.
   To illustrate misappropriation and copyright infringement he introduced my class to bloodbath barbie. He busted out the blender in a box, filled it with milk, sugar, bananas, all sorts of delicious items. It looked pretty tasty, like a milkshake. The he pulled out the barbie, poured some vanilla (turned out to be red dye) and started to mix-shouting obscenely about the implications of barbie on feminism and it's destruction of women. As he shouted, the class gasped in unison as the pale mixture quickly turned an ugly dark red color. 
   This is the last two weeks of school. It was good to see something that made me laugh instead of whine. 


Graduation Countdown!

This morning my mom thought she was pretty funny. I slugged out of my room and she was already up and puttering around.  She stopped me, "Michelle, how many days?"  She was hoping for my moving countdown, so she could say, "Isn't school more important than moving?" I shot her down because graduation is way more important than moving (three weeks or 16 school days left!)
At first when I picked up my cap and gown, I was pessimistic. They were symbols of lost years and thousands and thousands of lost dollars. In my my mind the steps of graduation were more like steps off a cliff. I had dreams of setting the clothing on fire and throwing them out of my car window while I curse at the remains. 
Now the gown hangs in my bathroom and the cap sits on my desk like a home-boy.  These symbols are more like good friends now and I can't wait to celebrate the end of my college career. Five years is a long time to accomplish anything. They symbolize the hardest thing I have ever done and my ability to finish and accomplish my goals-even ones that seem impossible.
So here's to finishing my five year plan. I suppose I should start a new one pretty soon...


Buying Friends

How sad is that?
The story begins Monday.  I was in a fairly good mood and the tasks in my world fell into place. My destination after intense studying was the gym and I was thinking about how much I love working out my legs. I strolled outside of the Union Building with a little bounce in my step.
I faltered a little when I saw those green jackets and strange faces cornering students. Typically I dismiss people like Greenpeace and pretend to hurry away. Today I tried a different attack, right down the middle because I knew they would searching out the stragglers off the sidewalk.
I am a sucker for brown eyes and blonde hair.  He had to know my weakness the minute he saw me from his post in the middle of the sidewalk.  Lincoln from Denver, Colorado-a Greenpeace activist recruiter. I felt comfortable with him and his light caramel eyes that seemed to be joking with me from the first word.  He gave me his selling spill on the need for people like me.  I laughed and joked and tried a little to get out of it, but I couldn't stand strong.  I paid $20 right there on the spot to be a part of something I don't have a particular passion for. I paid that money for an amusing conversation with a nice guy with fantastic eyes, who I probably won't see again. That's pretty pathetic. I buy my friends..


Hollywood Connection Easter Egg Promo

 For those of you who follow my internship blog...this might be very familiar. I don't think there are many of you...if any. I think the internship blog explained my Easter best.
The Easter Bunny used to be pretty tight with me. He stopped calling when I turned twelve and the hang outs began to dwindle. He had to move on with his life I suppose and provide delicious jelly beans and candy eggs to others.  I knew he was seeing a new bunch of kids. I just didn't know how great those kids were until I went to Hollywood Connection on Saturday.
See what I mean? Great kids!

Just a few steps away from the Main Hare, I spread my own version of Easter cheer with a little assistance from my internship supervisor, Rob, and Fisher/Peggy.I would like to say I am comparable to the Easter Bunny that day, throwing out gifts and prizes all over the place with the wheel. The Spin & Win game, everyone who spun that colorful wheel won a sweet prize. It got pretty intense. Look at the mass of people there!
It was a fantastic time! I love hanging out with kids and prizes! Oh and hanging with the Easter Bunny of course.


Internship Images(special) and update

It's been a while since I have blogged about my internship in a personal way. I blog about it nearly every day on the Today's 106.5 Web site, but I hold back because I know I could probably upset people there if I posted some of this stuff. So here's all the stuff I can't say on that blog. Today I drove up to the back of the station like I have been doing (thank you Utah Construction) and I found this car.
If you drive this car. I am judging you right now. Not only does the back of your car read Cobalt in small dealership embossed letters, you felt the need to put a print cover over it saying the same thing...You are a special individual.

I have also been moving up in the line of station heirarchy. I haven't been granted a permanent/paying/full-time position but I was rewarded with a secret badge under wraps. It's nice to come and go as I please without 6'11" Rob escorting me out the door. However, I don't know if I feel any less like a minion with the name and picture on the badge. Take a look.....
Now tell me how you would feel?
I also wanted to throw in my plug for this weekend. The station including Fisher and Peggy (I believe) is going to be all over the Easter Egg Hunt at Hollywood Connection tomorrow from 10 -Noon.  I'll be kicking it at the booth giving away ridiculous prizes. I wish I purchased a decent pair of bunny ears for the occasion. Here's the deal, if you bring me bunny ears, I will rig the prize wheel for a win. Deal?


Letter to the Workers in Orange

Dear Construction Workers,
I saw you today too many times. I don't think your presence is coincidence. This morning you blocked my way to my internship at the station in West Valley. I saw your cars later parked at the school, taking all of the parking spots. It forced me to park across campus from my class and trudge nearly 15 minutes to class. To top it off, you decided to replace some water lines at the Communications Building-no water or restroom. You've also been replacing the main fan for many of the classrooms for several days. Class is hardly bearable as it is-now in a hundred degree heat, I curse your name while my eyes droop and sweat gathers on my brow.
You're following me. It's on the verge of becoming a stalking situation. As much as I enjoy your fluorescent orange jackets, tan utility boots and ripped jeans-I broke up with you when I left BYU-Idaho for a reason. You followed me to Utah.
The breakup must have been hard, because you are not the same anymore. This hatred you have for me has ruined my commute, classes, climate and my comfort. I have to put my foot down at some point.
I may have to take action soon. I don't want to bring in my heavy glares or swearing under my breath, I need some space.



BYU-Idaho Police Scene Notes

So I have been going through all of my stuff, cleaning and organizing this week. I rediscovered the magical police trackings from my time at BYU-Idaho. I kept the best ones and I long to toss them in the garbage...so I will record them here for your enjoyment. I don't have dates..I apologize, but they are legit. I will asterisk my favorites from each one.
#1 Police Scene
-23 year old male cited for disturbing the peace-barking dog
*Subject shot below eye with Airsoft gun
-Complaint of weird smell in Tuscany apartment
-Complaint of counterfeit $20 bill
-Two 16 year old males cited for drag racing
-Complaint of two motorcyclists on skate park
-Fight on school district bus
-Complaint of small children beating a dog
*Complaint of small children playing by the canal
-Complaint of children throwing rocks at ducks at Nature Park

#2 Police Scene
-Peeping Tom arrested and imprisoned
-Fraud/theft-use of credit card
-Complaint of missing A.T.V.-found
-Thief jailed for stealing a case of soda from Broulim's
-Complaint of disturbing the peace at Porter Park-74 year old female confronted junior high class on field trip
-Complaint of fire-controlled burn
-Various complaints of suspicious persons/vehicles
-Complaint of child left in vehicle
*Female student charged with filing a false police report on an assault and battery at Legacy Ridge, claiming to have been hit in the "snozzle"
-Verbal disagreement at Madison High School
-Open door at BYU-Idaho Alumni Building
-Child endangerment seized and turned over to Health and Welfare
-52 year old male jailed for disturbing the peace and resisting arrest
*Two 15 year old boys' curfew violation
-False alarms (3)
-Complaint of fake $100 bill-bill checked and ok
-Complaint of doorbell rings
-Complaint of small fire-trash pile on University Ave.
-Complaint of vehicles being egged
-Suspicious vehicle/people at Porter Park
-Noise Complaint
-Complaint of vehicle battery being thrown against building-scars
*Male arrested for walking down Main Street and yelling at officer
-Male arrested for 2005 warrant out of Sandpoint, Idaho

#3 Police Scene
-Complaint of pornographic material taped inside bathrooms at Nature Park
-Possession of methamphetamine
*Complaint of people disregarding coned-off areas on streets
-Possession of marijuana
-Complaint of juvenile party with alcohol-four cited for consumption of alcohol
-Complaint of a bell ringer
-Domestic battery-18 year old female cited
-Disturbing the peace-kids swearing, honking and throwing eggs
-Fire-call- gas leak on the temple construction site
*Fire call-burnt rice at New Fong's set off fire alarm
-Found item-trombone found at Smith Park
-Complaint of vehicle damage incurred by hitting a pothole
-Discharging Air Soft pistol in the city
*Duck harassment-Nature Park

#4 Police Scene
-22 year old man arrested for procuring alcohol to a minor
-complaint of kids skateboarding in road
-complaint of scared raccoon on basketball hoop
-complaint of subject ringing doorbells
-complaint of marijuana odor coming from The Legacy Ridge Apartments
-complaint of gas theft
-armed robbery on Main Street

BYU-Idaho is a special place.


Facebook Album- the story from an addict

I just spent my last hour looking at mutual friend's photo albums. That's right, they are not even my friend's albums, they are my friend's friend's albums. I look at every single picture. It doesn't matter if it's a picture of a dead beetle or a gorgeous supermodel, I have to see them. What is it that draws me to them and makes me scan every single picture? I should take more pictures..maybe my own pictures can balance out the need to view other people's photographs. Man, I'm weird.



My sweet video on cougars and the University of Utah. You will laugh. I promise.


I need Spring Break

I wear chaos on my sleeve today. Last night at three, I woke up after dreaming about law cases and couldn't sleep because I was worried I was going to forget them for a test I didn't have.  I dropped my hair straightener on my wrist for a new embossed bracelet I call "3rd degree burn". I hurried to class to be filmed live for an introduction to last week's story on campus cougars.  After listening to law cases float around my head and Then also spent two hours filming for a project that I will spend another two hours editing-the result? A 1 minute 30 second boring segment on gardening for the university's news program that no one watches. It makes me laugh that there is so much craziness right now, craziness linked to the end of my college career.  I need a massage. No-- more than that, I need Spring Break. Two days, my love, two days.


Farewell Tommy Tool

I have one constant tradition with my new roommate, Trash TV time. Every Sunday we watch "dramatic reality TV shows" like Daisy of Love, Frank the Entertainer and Tool Academy.  Elimination happens in nearly all of these shows. Tool Academy is easily my favorite. I adore seeing "tools" acting in their natural habitat and seeing their idiot girlfriend drama. 
Last night, we bid farewell to my favorite tool: "Loony Tool" aka Tommy.  The drunk boy hasn't been sober first episode. Like the other tools, he has been cheating on his girlfriend...and it was revealed that he has been seeing someone else consistently along with his girlfriend. He left yesterday after a private therapy session disclosing this other woman and his AA meetings. I'm going to miss Loony Tool. He offered hilarity among the extremely dramatic, violent atmosphere.  When anything startling was said or revealed his perfect "o" shaped mouth always provided me with a laugh. 
Goodbye Tommy, you were a pleasure to view every Sunday.


Fox Point....

 Cute white fences, big trees and a duck pond.  I smell free advertising.
Yesterday Melanie and I invested a small fee ($100) for our future. :) Fox Point at Old Farm in Salt Lake City. I didn't think we would actually find one yesterday. It was freezing and snow covered everything.  I wonder if the biggest selling point was the year round hot tub.  Literally we got a fantastic deal and I want to give a shout out to the agents, Raquel and Jarom.  Raquel showed us the place and when we came back 21 year old Jarom helped us with the paperwork.  (That's right, the boy was younger than me and was selling me my future home). I'm super excited though. The place is closer to school, work and my future employment. 
I've been waiting for this opportunity for over a year.  
I moved back home to the parentals February 2009.  There's nothing wrong with living with my parents, but since I graduated from high school I haven't lived here longer than three months.  So these 13 months have been really, really long.  There is an end in sight. April 10th is that end, moving day. So recruitment day is nearly upon me. I need a few strapping young men/women and trucks to lend their skills on that day to make my dream come true.
These are some pics of our building and cute pond. The ducks are a little too friendly. I feel like we might of a reenactment of the birds...I chased them a bit, I bet they end up chasing me at my door or something later. I have a feeling I will be driving past them a lot in the next three weeks.  You can check out their website here.


Background Checks

Woo, it's been a while. I am 100% sure my teachers decided to destroy me this week. As you can see, I made it!
Earlier this week, I participated in my first government background. May-August I will be one of the thousands (if not millions) of people working for the Census and the government wants some deep background stuff.  It was definitely an experience.
My arrival was not anticipated and I hopped in line behind at least 20 people piled in the Human Resources hall. These people were some of the most interesting people I have ever seen. The job is run through Convergys. I guess I should have expected the weirdos. There was this one guy who struck my interest though.
He was doing fingerprinting and the taking pictures for badges.
Alex had a lot going for him. He stood about 6'2"with really dark hair and blue eyes. He poked his head out and said my name. Score! 
The conversation was hilarious. We spoke about firearms, his dreams of entering the FBI and lighting hand sanitizer on fire. He even flattered me, which is so rare. I giggled like a teenage girl.
He teaches a concealed firearms course on the side and was determined to convince me to take the class. Apparently, as a six foot tall 180 lb woman, I am still highly at risk. (*I'm rolling my eyes now*). He sad he believed that all women should take a firearms course or self defense course, especially really pretty girls and he lowered his eyes. 
We then talked guns..which I don't do well. I enjoy a good shooting experience, but I don't know names and such, so I mostly just listened. Next he provided instructions for entertaining myself at work: first, hand sanitizer in a line, light it on fire-it creates a small blue flame and after it burns up you can just wipe it off the desk.
Guns and fires...all for my background check. Thanks, Alex, for the entertainment. I can't wait to work here. lol.


True Love.....my review

Thank you, Rob. Book reviews; who knew I would end up doing one for my least favorite subject of all time: love. In case none of you go to my internship blog. I wanted to share my book review with you because I promise you will laugh.
Self help and true stories are typical of Chicken Soup for the Soul. I expected nothing less from one of their latest installments: Chicken Soup for the Soul-True Love.
   I am not a romantic in any shape or form of the word, unless you count my undying love for club hip hop, white chocolate Reese's and horror movies.  I shun chick flicks and roll my eyes when I hear cheesy lines. Honestly, the only thing that appealed to me about the book was the photography work on the front.
   I am one of those people that judge a book by its cover, so I gave the book a good fighting chance. In the end, my judgment paid off.
   The book didn't change my tomboy ways and I didn't spring to the nearest theater to see a romance movie; but I did learn more than I anticipated about "true love" and myself. Kristi Yamaguchi who helped write the Foreward says, "There is something for everyone, in this wonderful book of stories."  She knows what she's talking about.  Although a few stories were extra cheesy, many stories shared more than the romantic side of relationships.
   My favorite example is the story by Harriet Cooper, "Dating at the Speed of Light". I can actually relate to her thought process. The author introduces the idea of speed dating and her decision whether or not to go. She proceeds to introduce her cat and makes a surprising choice. 
   Chicken Soup for the Soul-True Love builds a relationship verbally from the bottom up, starting with "How We Met" and ending with a section titled, "Love Everlasting". 
   By the end of the book, I have learned how to fully appreciate and express my love to my loves. To me, love is all about appreciation and working with what you have, which is the joy in a good white chocolate Reese's peanut butter cup. Thank you, Chicken Soup, for renewing my capabilities to love.


My sweet video!

That's right faithful readers, I finally used my genius to upload the video for my Spring Break news report. It's not high quality, remember this is only report number two! I am proud though!