Dreaming is gross spiders stuck on me

There is a disease that strikes everyone once in a while. When it strikes my mom, she will sit up for the majority of the darkened night turning pages in a book.  My dad reacts differently, throwing himself into projects for days or weeks at a time. 
This nasty disease has struck me a few times this year.  It has struck again, stress has turned me into a dreaming fool. I dream more than ever these days and every morning I wake up with emotion and energy remaining. 
Right now I have one stuck in my head from a few days ago (it's a little tragic that so much of my internal memories are being consumed by dreams-not knowledge, school or books).  I can't get it out of my head.
The whole dream happens in my bedroom. I'm stuck in my room, like a jail cell.  There are spiders beginning to crawl everywhere.  My cell-mate is fully aware of the spiders and tells me it's like an introductory session for prison.
I look at the spiders closely, without fear, to see if any of the spiders are dangerous to me.  The spiders are in all shapes and sizes but one, in the corner by my door-strikes my interest.  It's a light brown color with a huge abdomen and my cell-mate points out that it is looking for a place to set it's nest of eggs down. So I move away from the spider and settle on my bed, frustrated and disliking the situation so much.  I sit up and the spider is gone from the corner.
"Where did it go?"
"I think I saw it on the floor by your foot a minute ago." My cell-mate says calmly, filing her nails.
Freaking out, it's almost like I knew it was coming.  I start shaking my foot and attached to the top of my foot by my toes is a pulsing egg sack from the spider.
Shaking and stuff does nothing. I don't know what to do. My cell-mate laughs and walks away mumbling that she doesn't know how to get it off.  I just kept trying to scrape it off without breaking the eggs because I knew if it broke off, the eggs would hatch and the spiders would eat me.
So I just looked up the key parts and it's a little alarming. I'm so not writing it on this blog.



Fear is an interesting emotion. The emotion, itself, is so strong and I seek to feel it daily.  With my heart pounding and a mini panic attack, it's the best form of caffeine.  The search for fear is simple because I am afraid of stupid things.
When I was in high school, I had a dream that a moose ate a kid on my front porch. The sight, even in a dream, of those straight vegetarian moose teeth chomping on some nine year old's bones was enough to make me fear moose for the rest of my life. Every time I go camping and I see a moose rack or that weird turned over nose, my skin prickles.
I get the same feeling every time I lock my car door without the button on my key chain or slam the trunk. It's a little more than a prickle, my heart literally pounds and i have to check for my eyes in my pocket or purse immediately. I have locked my keys in my car more times than anyone should an I'm pretty sure I have kept Utah locksmiths in business single-handedly.
Back in the animal world, I am also terrified of hippos. I think any animal that lives underwater and is bigger than my car is bound to be harmful of me. At the zoo, the hippos are kept in a big tank that is probably larger than my house. I look into that disgusting dark green, brown water and I can see myself at the bottom, squirming beneath his large feet before it squishes my head.
I think that being alone is a universal fear unless you are homeless or a hermit. Each night, I delay going to bed because sitting my bedroom alone creeps me out.
Today I learned a new fear. A fear that has zero purpose and I can't seem to connect my unconscious to my logical side.  I am terrified of single men in their 20's. How weird is that? I was standing with some of my lady friends tonight and a few singles guys started talking to us and I totally had a mini panic attack. Not necessarily because I was attracted to them. (I should note here that I do like the male population a great deal and I am straighter than the walls support my room) I notice this unease and fear of men in other situations besides social situations too and I usually brush it off and make a game out of it, but today I realized how stupid it is. I am 23 years old and I am terrified of young single adult men. So I guess I will have contradicting fears: of being alone and men. Awesome...


Facebook Pic Fails:Top Ten

There are few things that bring me the same joy as that plain white page with the blue border and friendly looking letters of "facebook".
Social networking is a great thing for the world. The benefits surpass the negatives. I remember when I joined a couple of years ago, isolated from the world in the snowy tundra of Idaho. A few days after joining, a friend from elementary school added me. I hadn't spoken with him since I moved, ten years ago. There is no way I could have duplicated that reunited experience in the "real world".
I have one problem with social networking sites and it's not even the Web site I have a problem with--it's the choice of profile photos by users.
There are many types of profile pictures I am getting tired of seeing. Here's my top 10 in no specific order.

1. Bare pregnant bellies- I understand you're pregnant. Your status says it, your multiple albums say it, and your "baby shower group" I joined says it. I think it's a proud moment, but keep on the cute maternity shirt. Bathroom pictures sharing a large basketball is not adorable unless your a future pedophile. Sorry, it's the way I feel.
2. Weight lifting pictures- What were you thinking while you were standing in the mirror at the gym, that people want to see you actually work out. If its true, we see it in the pictures of you without gym attire.  The best part is sometimes there aren't any muscles. Stop lying to yourself. It makes it look like you go to the gym for photography sessions and that's just weird.
3. Support pictures- This includes ribbons and words, if that's what you are to the world, that's sad. How do you expect to connect or share anything with anyone if that's what you are showing. It's great you support diseaase and death but the Web site is for "social networking" not to show how supportive you are.
4. Kissing pictures- You know when your six and you say "ew" when you see people kiss on tv.  A profile picture featuring a kiss is a prolongued lip engagement and I get tired of seeing you making out with your significant other. If you're in a relationship or married or something; there is nothing wrong with representing your relationship- but come on kissing? You could represent it with a look or leaning together or a kiss on the cheek. Come on...let your profile picture come up for air sometime.\
5. "Dopplegangers"- You are not Bruce Willis, Cameron Diaz or Penelope Cruz. Please let it go. End of story
6. Party/Concert-  If your profile picture is from a party or concert. You are telling me that you are defined by music and not a person. It also says that you are a group of people and I can't see you in that crowd.  I get it, you party. That's enough for me to move on away from your profile. I also heard like 10% of employers look at social networking sites, do you really want to be judged by your beverage and drunken face?
7. Boob pictures-  Women of the world just stop it. I can't say it enough.  We're already exploited in movies, music and online without doing it ourselves.  No one, including other women, is looking at your face in those pictures. I have my own pair, I don't need yours in my face too. Thanks.
8. Shirtless men- Guys do this in their own way too. Stop being shirtless. So many more people see your profile than women. Even if you have a great body, it's childish and stupid-high school. If you're in high school, more power to you, I'm sure your 16 year old girlfriend loves that.
9. Car Pics- Hello men, you are not a car. I will only click on your profile pic if I want a new car or to try and sell mine. If you are a car, you should not be using social networking Web sites.
10. Scenery-  When you're there, it's fantastic.  No one else cares, we can google that stuff. There is no significance to a pretty beach or mountain scenery unless you are actually in the picture. It's your profile picture. If you are scenery, like a car, you should not be on facebook.

I'm not the only one who feels this way, click here for a survey on it and some interesting facts. Please remember It's "your profile", treat it right.


Graduation etc.

Well world, the time has come.  I graduate tomorrow! My cap and gown are sitting in my closet, nearly jumping off the hanger for me. Finally, I will be able to hold a piece of paper that will represent my bachelor's degree and the future of my life. It's a little surreal! To add to my excitement I get the privilege of slapping a U.S. Marines logo sticker on top because my little brother graduates boot camp the same day.
It makes me feel reminiscent, but don't worry, I can't think of any specific moments that have shaped me to here.
I admit I'm a little concerned though. My day begins at 7:00 a.m. and graduation session for me start at 8:30 and 11:15. Unfortunately my temp. job starts at 3:00 p.m. on Friday and I can't miss it because I'm still in training. So my day will be very long. 7:00 a.m.-10:30 p.m. with no time for fun or celebration. I also have to work Saturday, this is the longest week of my life. I feel kind of bummed that I have waited five years for this day and I can't even enjoy it.


Dreaming in Violence

This dream was so intense. I'm still trying to decide if I feel awesome or depressed.
I'm late for church, so I'm running in heels out the door but Mark is there. Apparently he just got back and he looks super depressed, but exactly the same as the day he left. I ask him what happened and he just shrugs his sad shoulders and walks away. Back to task of getting to church, somehow I go in the wrong side door that I usually go in and I'm supposed to be meeting my roommate, Melanie, there. I can't find her.  The church is pretty full and I have to sit in the back on the folding chairs. As I am going to the back, I see this guy standing in last pew and in the middle. He's standing tall, staring at the podium with a very focused look.  I glance down his side, and he's holding a silver revolver in his hand.  I knew that he was going to go on a shooting spree here in the church and no one was noticing or doing anything.  He sees that I have noticed his gun and starts to turn towards me.  I slide a gun down my sleeve into my hand, slide down on the floor and feel a bullet whish above my head. I take my shot and miss three times before a bullet hits him in the shoulder.   He goes down on the pew and I hear cop sirens coming.  Everyone is getting mad at me for disrupting everything and tell me to leave.  I head out the back door and rush into the wooded forest in the back. Mark is there again and this time he talks to me, "Tyler died, you didn't get to the killer in time.".
It's my cousin and his wife is standing at a house door in the distance, hugely pregnant and holding her other baby, Simon.  I slow my run down to a walk and I try to figure out how I'm going to tell her I killed her husband and my cousin (even though I didn't kill him, my slowness in response killed him or something). So did I do right to kill the guy or should I have let him kill me? It was weird..


To the Gold's Gym Trainers

It's going to be a long day. I dropped Henry off again after his schizophrenic behavior returned-I need a more dependable car.
Then I went to the gym to work my back a little bit. Half-way through my workout, my upper back and neck started to ache...sharply.  I cooled down with my usual 20 minute run and then went straight to a trainer. I was hoping he could tell me some ways to stretch it or something, instead the useless man just told me to go to the doctor.  Easy for him to say, with steady income and mostly likely benefits. So it's been hurting for about four hours now. I start work in one hour until 1030.
What if my body is rejecting my head and is trying to force it out with my spinal cord.  That could be pretty exciting. I wonder what people would say and/or do...do you think someone would try to replace my head? That would be realy nice.