Do you ever look for dead people?
I don't mean like Hailey Joel Osmond in the Sixth Sense, looking for ghosts in dark corners or cemeteries.
During the last ten days I found myself looking for my dad. I would see an older man with peppered dark hair in the airport or another much taller older man standing in line at the grocery store and I stared these men down as if I could mold them into what my brain needed.
Obviously, these men remained strangers and not the super rad man I grew up with. He wouldn't be standing still in that line. He would probably be talking to someone nearby with that old twinkle in his eye (I swear it twinkled when he smiled). It would be a pretty useful tool to cheer others in the pandemic, the blue glittering above his facemask. On the airplane he would probably be holding a thick fantasy or science fiction book in his hands, the kind with pictures that look like they were produced in 1975.
My dad has been gone for around 8 years and man, if I had one wish that could transcend power on earth this year it would be to see my dad.
2020 has been really hard and I wonder what this year would have been like with my dad around. I like to think he would be a light and blessing to everyone around him, including me. He was far better than I will ever be and I try very hard to exemplify the love he showed so easily. It's very difficult for me and hard to shut out the hate and negativity that I feel like a real weight in the air.
Maybe I wish for him this year and right now because I miss feeling his love.
I am very blessed to have love from many around me, but in 2020 I want that GIANT bubble of love I felt from my dad.
