I've been meaning to type out this blog for weeks, but man has it been busy.
I won't even have time to finish it today, but I have to start it because I have to recognize Heavenly Father in my life. So hey, if you aren't religious, this one probably isn't your jam.
The past two months I have been experiencing some major doubt it my life. I work as hard as I can in the gospel and I see myself fall short in my weaknesses, which is doubly scary when I have young kids. I often look at my life and I say to myself, "I don't get this. I am doing my best but x, y, and z. Is this really the right way for me?"
I've struggled with my self identity this year too. Being a mom is so hard and lonely. Sometimes I just talk to children and clean all day and I don't get much sense of accomplishment out of that. I also tend to fault the crappy parts of my life on my failures (see above).
Being home has been an incredible blessing though. I love my family and my children. Our relationships have been strengthened from it and my anxiety/stress level is at a normal level.
I gotta say Heavenly Father has got my back.
1. I started back at my old work last month. It's a part time temporary job with a company I know and love, with friends and work family that I miss and care for immensely. This one little thing has made such an incredible difference in so many ways.
a. I feel so happy when I am there. People know me for me and I get to be myself: outgoing, funny, happy, and hard working. These people don't know my husband or my kids. They only know me and that's a special feeling to me.
b. Financially. We have been doing ok since I quit, but the last few months really stacked up some big things: Dave's car repairs, my car repairs, and my sinus surgery. This bump of extra money will help with that and Christmas.
2. Smith's Clicklist. Since I went back to work, I don't really have time to grocery shop by myself anymore and let's be real, my kids don't grocery shop well. Smith's clicklist saved my butt. With my first purchase, the clerk loads up my trunk and tells me, "They are getting rid of the service charge for the rest of the year." It's a little thing, but that is going to save me a decent amount of change until my temporary position ends.
3. My mom healing up. She has been getting better after major back surgery, but just recently it has really been on the up and up. It's been insane because the days I couldn't find a babysitter, she saved my butt because she's been feeling better.
4. My mom's car. When my car broke down, it was the day before I went back to work. My mom wasn't able to drive very well yet and I could borrow hers. If not, getting to work the next few days would have been absolutely insane, if not impossible.
5. My sweet neighbors, family, and friends. They have been helping with Emily a lot while going back to work. I love it because Emily loves her cousins and friends. It makes drop off go so well.
6. Work lunches. This is a really silly one, but the other day I was really dreading my lunch at work. It wasn't really great and I didn't really want to eat it. The management brought in pizza from The Pie. I refuse to say that wasn't Heavenly Father hooking me up when I really wanted it.
7. Neighbor babysitters: So my mom couldn't help very much with babysitting for a really long time and we had to resort to pay a neighbor babysitter. I'm so grateful for my calling in youth sunday school. Without this calling I probably wouldn't ever feel comfortable asking the young women. I also wouldn't know the better ones. Date nights with Dave were able to continue through that time and that is so valuable to our relationship.
So there's my part one of tender mercies.
