Don't Learn Like I Do

I love to blog, but sometimes I don't have anything good or interesting to say. So I steal ideas from the internet. Including a random blog post with 10 Things I Learned the Hard Way.

1. Little wrong choices lead to big wrong choices. Right after I got my A.A. from BYU-Idaho. I was super desperate to make friends and connections. I'm not making excuses. Some friends were not good and I started drinking with them once in a while. Nothing bad, just to pass the time. That one choice spiraled into more and I couldn't let go of behaviors because I'd rather have friends and mess up my life than do what really made me happy and be lonely. Fast forward five years and I ended up having a child before I was ready.
2. It Matters How Men Treat You. I was kind of late on the "dating train". I had my first date when I was 19 and my first kiss around then too. Before Dave I went through a slough of stupid men. I'm a relationship driven person (see #1) and I didn't really care about what the guys did or said as long as they stayed with me.  The give & take in relationships are big points that none of those men understood. I remember for one serious boyfriend I drove almost an hour in a white-out snow storm to spend the weekend with him. Other weekends the same boyfriend would say he "didn't want to drive down" even when there wasn't snow. Lots of men I dated were extremely selfish in dating and being together. Dave was the first one who put my needs first. I put him first and he put me first and that's freaking important. More men need to realize how important it is to give...not just take from women. We aren't something you can just pick up when you want. We should always be wanted and never tossed around. This is something I could write a lot about.
3. Everything Changes. Seriously, I can't believe I wasted so many years of my life hating things about it--only to learn as I got older. Everything is flexible, if you don't like it...you can change it. After I gave birth to Cameron, I had a really hard time with myself. My body worked different, I looked different, stress was my life and I never felt up for anything.. It was pretty difficult and I let go of myself. After six months I had an awakening. I can still be someone. I can rebuild who I am. I'm not stuck the way I am.
4. Sometimes Ask for Help. I have a super hard time asking for help. Too many times in life, you ask for help and people resent you for asking because they don't want to do it....or whatever. After childbirth (again I know), I learned pretty fast that all kids aren't the same....and some kids are very challenging. Dave and I both learned pretty quick, that we couldn't raise Cameron ourselves. It literally is taking a village to raise her and that's okay. I can't do everything that I'm asked to without losing myself completely. It's okay for me to ask people to help so I don't kill myself...or whatever.
5. Family Matters. This wasn't really learned the hard way, but I still have to share how drastic this could be.  Like I mentioned in #1, I spent 2 years messing up my life and I'll tell you a secret. I didn't really want to be with my family then. My life was a disaster and I knew they were judging me...and I was tired of it. Last year, my dad got really sick and eventually he passed away. I'm so glad that I was given the chance to fix that anti-family philosophy before he got sick. So I have no regrets. I spent many of my days off with Cameron and my dad. We spent a lot of time talking and just being in the same room (when he wasn't sleeping). It's not just about regrets either. At the end of the day, all of those boyfriends and friends I had left. My job changed and I graduated. Everything has changed drastically since those messed up days, but the only thing that remained constant was my family and their love. At my darkest and hardest days, my family was always there to support me and remind me of who I was and where I come from. I wish I hadn't spent those two years kind of drifting from them. Two years that I could have spent building relationships that matter (I mean I didn't even end up with the guy I dated around that time).
6. Money. It's okay to spend it, but it's better to save it. I didn't ever want to be in debt. In fact I remained debt free until I graduated from BYU-Idaho. Then I got student loans and car loans. I know that's not significant amounts of money, but it's okay to be in debt a little. I'm almost done with both now and a little debt never hurt anyone as long as it's not bringing me down disastrously.
7. Trust Yourself. I cannot say this enough. Twice in the past two years I've gone out on a limb because I just didn't feel right and both times quality of life were improved because of these hunches. A little after my father passed away I started noticing some SERIOUS depression and I felt craziness inside my brain. I went and saw a counselor and blah blah blah. He told me to check my hormone levels because having a baby can seriously make your body go wacky. Hormone imbalance! I believe in blood tests, but I wouldn't have gone if I didn't feel something was wrong inside. I should have checked it sooner.
8. Good Friends Never Leave. This one is for you Brandy-Poo and Christin even though I'm pretty sure they don't read this blog. Brandon and Christin were my friends at different points. I've known Brandon since I was like 19 and I used to have a major crush on him. We used to spend a lot of time together, I feel like maybe weekly for a long time. Dating and marriage and we don't hang out like we used to. Single guy and a married woman doesn't usually work out (unless it's in a crowd or double). Christin was a roommate of mine up in Idaho. I graduated and left. She got married and I got married. I had a kid.  I invited them over and they still came over (separate times) and it was still amazing. I wish Brandon was a girl and I wish Christin's baby was Cameron's age so we could all connect again for real.
9. Facebook Break. I compare myself constantly. It's a woman's curse, I guess. I can't turn it off. Facebook is the devil for this type of person. It was destroying my life....literally.  I took two weeks off from Facebook and it changed my world. I started seeing my own blessings instead of reading about others. You know all those super annoying pictures of families, kids or vacations....I don't care. I have a beautiful little girl and a super great husband. I don't need to see what everyone else has. Stop Comparing! Recognizing your own life great points improves your view on life. It's great. I still compare myself....just not on Facebook. In real life I'm better at making up horrible back stories.   (She looks beautiful because of all that makeup. She has on all that makeup because she got a black eye from her little brother because she stole his car in a drug fueled rage.)
10. Do the Happy Things. I spent a lot of my life making other people happy. I rolled with the punches and "didn't care" what I did. I still don't care about a lot of stuff. Really, I don't care where we go to lunch...I like all food. What's really important though is making choices that make you happy and not just in the I get to enjoy this lollipop for 20 minutes kind of happy. Do the stuff that makes you remember moments forever. For me it's family stuff, like going to see the creche' exhibit around Christmas with the family or singing songs with Cameron at bedtime. Screw work or shopping. Those things will fade and you'll forget what that cute shirt looked like on the rack or how irritating your coworkers are. I will remember the way Cameron answers my songs in hums and I'll remember the way my mom's eyes twinkle when she sees her family. So do what makes you happy.