Parenting Battles: Conflict No. 1

When I say that my daughter was a surprise; it's and understatement. As the biggest surprise of my life, Dave and I took a lot of time to decide our futures from that point on.  We decided to embrace this surprising change. We both wanted to be parents one day and we really did belong together.
It's been two years since we learned about Cameron and I've been thinking a lot about parenthood and the lies that I told myself and wishes that I had for our family moments. I want to share those lessons learned. Not because I'm bitter or because I want to vent emotional stress. I'm sharing this because parenthood isn't the same for everyone and each child will be different.
1. First Six Weeks could have killed me. I'm not even joking at that.  It was so challenging to get Cameron into a routine. She didn't sleep unless she was cuddled tight. It took a lot of trial and error to establish a sleeping routine. Dave could only take two weeks off from work to help out. On the third week, it was just me and Cameron and it was awful. She screamed more than 80% of the time when she was awake. Her diaper was clean, she was freshly fed and all I could do was hold her close and pray for the screaming to stop. It only stopped when she was exhausted. Oh and let's not forget that super awesome blood clot I had in the second trimester. The day after I took Cameron home, I had to get a blood test at the hospital.  Blood tests are whatever, but lets just say I was a mess and it hurt so bad to get up. It was retarded.
2. Cameron's personality is always a big challenge. There was the constant crying and screaming that has changed me as a parent and as a person. As she got older, she became more mobile and a lot happier. Independence brings her a lot of joy.  She has also been behind from the beginning. She didn't start crawling until a few weeks before her first birthday and she still doesn't walk. It's getting very difficult to carry her places (she's a big, tall baby). It doesn't matter how many exercises and development games we engage with her, she refuses to engage. It's a matter of personality. She's stubborn and independent.
3. Relationships matter. This is a constant struggle. Dave and I rushed into marriage to build our family and establish stability for Cameron before she came. This left us very little time for each other--beforehand focusing on a home and our wedding--and after CAMERON. Our lives literally revolve around her. We work our schedules to accommodate her; which is right. Then our babysitters are used up and when we actually have a day off together, I feel guilty for asking for more help. It's impossible to have "alone" time with a small budget and relying on family/friends already so much.This battle always seems to be going on in the background. Always fighting for time together. I miss the days before; when it was the two of us whenever we wanted and whenever we could.
4. The financial battle is always bigger than you anticipate. I'm still paying for the blood-clot, which happened as a result of genetics and pregnancy. Then there's car-seats, cribs, bedding, etc. When Cameron was really young, her pediatrician wondered about a milk allergy. We had to buy some seriously expensive formula because I didn't produce enough milk for her. Pretty soon it was just that formula. At $30 a can and about 3 cans a week; that can seriously add up. Then there's diapers, bottles, clothing and there goes the savings and hello, credit card. It's less expensive now, yay for teeth and "real food".
5. Babysitting Battle. I already wrote about the struggle to find babysitters. When my older siblings had children, my mom didn't work and was a great babysitter for them. She enjoyed watching my nieces and nephews and it worked great. My sister-in-law watched Cameron for a while, bless her heart for joining in the fight to keep Cameron happy. Soon she gained paying babysitting jobs and we couldn't afford to pay our babysitters.  My friend from a long time ago stepped up and has been watching her until 5:30 and then our family members watch her until Dave gets off work. (We both work not so awesome shifts).
6.  Working Mom.  This is the hardest faze of Parenting Battles. Lately it's been particularly hard. Cameron is a difficult child in a toddlers body but what I feel like is a 9 month old brain. It's hard to juggle Cameron, fitness and cleaning as best as I can before we head out on the road to work full time at a job with such crappy hours and management that really makes it hard to find joy in my job. It makes for a very long, difficult day. Right now it's not rewarding or fulfilling in any sense of those words.
It was right to keep Cameron. Dave, Cameron and I are a happy family when we are together. Those rare occurrences are what I live for. Life is a lot more challenging with Cameron. There are different parenting battles everyday. I have no doubt that she grows and learns a little everyday. I'm proud of who she is becoming. Today is a challenge