Church is hard

Here it is, my honest feelings and completely raw emotions.
It's sacrament meeting right now and I'm success to in the mother's lounge because my baby would not take a bottle. I keep repeating in my head, "Why am I here?"
With the birth of my second daughter, things changed pretty drastically in my life (as babies do). I found my newfound time in the early morning hours as a great time to finally have time to read my scriptures, general conference talks and all that great church stuff. Oddly this newfound development did not increase my testimony but I found it a real struggle to get up and go to church on Sunday. Worse than ever before, including those years I spent running away from the church.
Two weeks in a row the tasks have been about priesthood hinders in the home and the temple. It cuts me kind of hard. Dave does not currently hold the priesthood and my dad passed away three years ago. It's hard for me to understand why God would take away my greatest and stories only access to the priesthood power. You can argue that there are home teachers to help with that (never seen them) or my older brothers (with their own busy, hard lives). Man, I miss my dad lately. Maybe it's hard because I look at Emily and I see him, or the lack of him. He will never see her on this earth.
Back to my church discussion Nursing Emily is difficult to time between sacrament meeting and before my class. I have a hard time with leadership. Since Emily's birth, the primary president has been asking me when I'll be ready to go back to my class and one of the other leaders moved out of the ward so my help is needed. What happened to the understanding and kindness that I remember when I was younger? It seems like that is gone. They expect you to take on your calling and drop everything. I'm really struggling with Emily and with the church. I feel like primary is not there place for me when there is so much doubt and stress.
How do people do this every week? I feel so awful.