Dreaming of sweet 2016

Here we are 40 days into 2016 and I haven't posted my predictions or anticipations for the year.
I ended 2015 feeling depressed, burned out and incredibly lonely. I'd like to say 2016 will be great; full of happiness and excitement- but you know, life happens.
It will hold wonderful moments , but it will be challenging.

1. Alternating Schedules: Three weeks ago Dave started a new schedule.  As a result of poor  management decisions and lay offs, he works 11am-830pm with Tuesday/Wednesday off. He gets home 20 min after the kids are in bed. Aka 3 days a week work 8 hrs making money and 6 hours trying to minimize stress, crying and life of both girls and 2 days a week I shuffle the kids through church and Saturday clean up.  By the time Dave gets home, I am nearly sleeping on the couch. Goodbye date nights out even time to watch a show together. Its awful, lonely and exhausting.
2. Preschool: Dave is taking advantage of the extra time in the morning to get Cami involved at a local preschool. She LOVES preschool. She is great with letters and numbers already, but preschool will help with structure and to help her grow. By the end of the year, she will learn so much. I hope to get her involved in some sport too. She's getting so big! 😢
3. Walking and Talking: Emily is right on target for gross motor development. She's been crawling for a while and pulls herself into standing on a few reachable furniture. She's on her way to walking very soon. She's a happy baby and doesn't say much that I can understand right now, but by the end of the year she will have some vocabulary.
4. Less one doctor, plus one: Another big  development is the removal of her helmet forever. We finally completed the helmet/shaping process. It was hard, but it was worth it. Her ratios are normal and all looks well as far as the shape off her head. I've gotten used to comments and questions about the helmet, none of which are hurtful or accusing. It's wonderful to see a much happier, albeit clumsier baby.
This year also holds a small surgery fur baby girl. The muscles in her left eyelid are loose and after her first birthday, we've got a surgery scheduled to tighten the muscles so as to not interfere with her vision in the future.
5. Genetics: Healthcare with isn't in my blood, but genetics feels like home. My job as a Genetics Patient Advocate will have ups and downs, but I don't see any big changes, promotions or layoffs in my future. I made a positive impact in the territory I work along Genetic Counselors last year and it will continue to grow. I love working with them and I love making a difference everyday.
6. Finish It: 2015 was an inspiration. I started listening to writing podcasts at work and I finished my dad's book. It's my turn. Last month I finished Part 1 of my book with four more plot lines to go. It's very rough writing, but I'm going to finish it this year-at least a draft.
7. Werk it: There have been a few years where I make goals of running races or losing "X" pounds. This year I'm not making any goals I can't guarantee. With a second kid not quite at full mobility, who is both super clumsy and cuddly; I'm not going to have the time or energy to devote to getting fit. Instead this year, I will be more active. It's a vague, but achievable goal through walks, work out programs and playing with the kids. I want my time to be valuable.
8. Extended Family: Early this year Dave's sister and brother welcomed two babies into their individual families. Stacey and Derek welcomed baby boy Beckett in January and a few weeks later Jeff and Leslie brought baby girl Isla into the family. Dave's family is growing exponentially every year, but my side will remain pretty static this year unless my baby brother makes some big plans.

This year looks boring on paper filled with the same things from past years on repeat. 2016 started on an uphill battle, let's hope we reach some great heights and catch some  breaks in our challenges.

2015 Wrap Up

2015 is about to fad away into a new year and I'm feeling delighted. This year feels like such a roller coaster.  I started out the year with high hopes and big expectations and that's always a dangerous thing to do in a new year.  Instead, 1015 was a rough year for me. I wouldn't say that our family has had anything truly awful happen. It's been no 2012, but it still felt really difficult. It's been a busy year with changes and new challenges. There weren't very many changes, but the ones we had were huge.
Without getting too fluffy, I'll get right into the list and pictures because who really cares about anything else anyway.

1. Emily: Let's start with the most obvious change of 2015. Oh hey, I had a second baby. This time last year we were convinced baby girl was going to named "Julie", but about two weeks before her birth, Emily jumped out at us.
Emily has been a wonderful addition to our family and I'm not just saying that. From day one, she's been the easiest baby.  She nursed really well for about five months. She's calm, happy and I swear her smile could melt a snowman.
Despite her great traits, she is a baby and babies have their own challenges like getting up at night and needing something (diaper change, feeding, playtime) every hour.
These days she's bouncing on her hands and knees and I know we're only few weeks away from crawling.

2. Dreams & Facts: This year I finished my dad's book. I've been working on it since shortly after his death and I finally finished it (that's about three years, people).  I really got into this year. While I was on Maternity Leave, during nap times and shoved in short periods after church I was able to get the majority of it done.
The book is a collection of personal essays, fictional works and a photo history of my dad's life. At 384 pages, it resembles almost a text book, but it was worth every hour and every penny that I put into the book.
The main reason I put it together was for my girls. My daughters will never know my dad and that makes me so crazy sad because of how awesome and amazing my dad was, especially with his kids and grandkids. As unfair as his passing was, this book represents a piece of him and his life. It's something that Cami enjoys now, if only for the pictures. Someday when things are hard for her (God forbid that ever happens), I hope she can flip open this book and have some wisdom or laughs from Grandpa Tate.

3. Genetics:  This year I got a promotion at Myriad. I've been there for about two years and I thought I might try for one this year. It helped that the hiring supervisor was one of my friends and I shared an office with her when I started.
Instead of my previous role and Patient Advocate, I'm a Genetics Patient Advocate (stand up, it's not really worth kneeling over). It's nearly the same job, but instead of working the oncology side of the testing, I'm working only with Genetic Counselors.
It's been such a good move for me. I have specific territories that I'm responsible for (Virginia and North Carolina are my big ones) and I work with the same Genetic Counselors in that area to to get insurance coverage for the genetic tests they order. I love my territory and the majority of the providers I work with are fantastic.
Yesterday I had a big moment when a test I worked really hard on completed in a short time frame in time for a patient's surgery. I called the provider and I said, "Martha, I feel like I could cry. Her test is done." I love being able to have that kind of working relationship that I can say things like that, mean it, and feel like I'm making a difference. I love my job!

4. Cam Balam:  Cami has been so awesome this year! We didn't get her into pre-school, but I'm not really worried about it. Her birthday is later in the year and I've pre-registered her for an online pre-school that my friend recommended.
The biggest thing for Cami this year is potty training.
It almost killed me. Remember this post? Real life, potty training head strong children is like a power struggle with and elephant crossed with a war general, but she did it. In the post I shared all of the tips that worked for Cami, but really it wasn't me. Cami took that and handled it. It took some time but she's got it really well, including overnight (which let's be real, I don't think I had it down until I was like six over night).
She's becoming a little girl this year. Cami loves Disney princesses, she had an especially long stint watching Snow White. Oh man, and she's the best big sister. This morning I heard Emily and as soon as I open the door I see Cami perched up on the crib, talking to Emily. There's an obvious age gap between them, but they're still so cute together.

5. Training Dave:  If only I could. I've been wanting to write that down our whole marriage (Wocka Wocka Wocka).
Okay, but really, almost Dave's entire year was spent training New Hires at work. It's been kind of nice for me because his hours are more normal and I love having him home (the girls love it more than I do).
He's implemented some new procedures at work and he's starting to see some results in the employees.
Doing all of this training kind of screwed him over in some areas, but Dave always takes it in stride.

6. Doctors: Since Emily was in the womb, she had us bouncing around. When I was pregnant, the ultrasound found cysts. After she was born, she had a flat spot on her head, which didn't seem to get better even after we did all the parenting stuff pediatricians say (rotate your baby, tickle their chins, tummy time until they throw up). Okay so that last one was an exaggeration.
We brought it up to  the pediatrician three different times before a different one said, "Hey, that's a pretty flat spot. Go see a plastic surgeon."
Okay because boobs and baby head shapes are the same?
We then went from plastic surgeon to a prosthetic surgeon who prescribed little Emily with a helmet just shy of her turning eight months.
I was scared poop-less about the helmet. I worried about her becoming delayed in her gross motor skills. I worried people would say I was a bad parent and that I didn't do enough for my children. Now, it's not a big deal. The helmet is for Emily and she doesn't mind it at all (anymore). We're still seeing doctors way too often for me.

7. Repairs: The beginning of this year brought some unexpected issues with our house. Yay for home-ownership. We only anticipated one house project this year, but we went above our goals and completed two big projects.
We started with fixing the electrical in the basement. At the beginning of 2015 a plug sparked and burned the plate so this was moved to the top of our priorities because you know, we don't want to burn our house down.
In the summer we deliberated far too long about sprinklers. It was either going to require a ton of hard, manual labor or a lot more money than we anticipated. Late July we bit the bullet and a company fixed our sprinklers in the front yard and put some in the backyard. Like I just said, it was more expensive than we anticipated, but our lives were so busy with a new baby and new responsibilities that there was no way any of us had time to hand water the yard.
It's nice to have those big house projects out of the way. The only big house project we have in our future is a fence and that's an expense that's probably at least two years away.

8. Best Friends Move On: This year Cami's best friend, Emily's future boyfriend and my best friend, who lived in our ward and neighborhood moved to Idaho. I hate it. Jessica and I would never have met if it weren't for a stressful babysitting situation. She helped with Cami when my babysitter was out for a few months. During that time we became friends. Maybe I didn't mean that much to her, but let's be real for a minute. I don't make girl friends easily. Women are caddy, braggy and unrealistic. Jessica isn't like that. We're at the same life stage with kids the same age (Cami, 4 and Vienna only five months younger; Oliver was born 3 or so months before Emily). I could complain about problems, cry when things were hard and cheer when things were awesome and I felt like she was with me in like a real sister/friend way. Her husband got a needed,new job in Idaho and vamoose, just like that no more play-dates, girl's nights or game nights (though they be few thanks to new babies). As 2015 closes, it bums me out that she's so far away.  I went three years without a good girlfriend and it's not likely to happen again anytime soon. Cami misses Vienna and I miss Jessica so much!

9. Colbin:  Zooming out beyond our immediate family; there wasn't a lot of big changes. No weddings and this year no one dear/close passed away.
In the Hunt/Larsen family we only had one big change besides Emily. Heather and Josh had baby boy Colbin in July, only a few short months after Emily. He's a cute little boy and smiles all the time. He's a perfect addition to the family.








Whew, talk about roller coaster. 2015 felt defining to me in the different parts of my life. I feel burned out and exhausted, but I hope it's because 2016 will be stronger and better.
I'll close this chapter of our lives and flip over to something new with an idea that if I want change in my life and in who I am, I need to be that change.

When babies don't sleep.

After a long night with Emily (she didn't fall asleep until midnight)  and a week long cough, we hit up the doctor this morning.
My niece and my babysitter's kid recently had ear infections and Emily was showing some of the symptoms.
Surprise surprise, an ear infection.

When's my sleepy, happy baby coming back?

British Hugs Heal

This post is another dream post. I remember so many of them l lately and I believe in dreams. I believe that sometimes they don't many anything, other times they can guide you, and rarely (for me) they can give you what you need.
To say things have been stressful the last six weeks would be a severe understatement. I've been working a ton of overtime and a lot of appointments for the girls and me. It's been expensive, time consuming and so frustrating. I've felt burned out, depressed and full of anxiety.
In the dream I was at my family Thanksgiving party. We sat down for dinner and Emily started to get really cranky.
I knew she want feeling good, so I took her to the office and rocked her until she fell asleep. I put her in the pack and play and hung out in the chair to watch over her.
A soft knock plays on the mostly closed door, but before I can open it all the way- in walks the lead singer from The Struts.
He's not wearing his usual glam rock gear, just a band T-shirt and jeans.
"I just got off the plane, the manager let us leave early. I came first thing."
I'm stumbling over words, mostly asking, "What are you doing here?"
He grabs my shoulders carefully and quietly wraps his arms around me in a hug that wraps criss cross from my shoulders to the middle of my back.
In that moment, I feel free and weightless. He picked up all the pain, hurt, stress and sadness with his arms.
As all good dreams tend to end, my alarm sounded.
I can't stop thinking about the dream. I wish I could live it.  It was perfect and everything I need. I imagine it's how you would feel when you are complete.

My dad hangs loose

When my dad passed away three years ago I wanted to make a difference and I wanted a way for my children to get to know him in a way. I just finished this massive book project with pictures, articles, stories and other things he created.  The thing I miss the most is his stories. I wish I could remember more of them. So I'm tossing this one into the world of the internet because it's my favorite.

When my dad was little he moved around a ton. His parents were divorced and his dad was int he military. When he lived with his dad in the summers and around holidays, it was usually near military bases.

When he was around eight or nine, he lived in San Diego.  He had a few friends in the neighborhood, Army Brats like he was, and they lived by a military dump of some sort.

This place was like heaven to my dad and his friends. They were eager to explore and some of the dumped poles jutted from the trash piles in odd angled that would be so great for hanging.

My grandpa wasn't stupid. He knew my dad and he knew that kids would be kids and they would probably go right for the stuff at the dump. Before he went to work my grandpa pulled my dad aside and specifically told him to not play in the dump. There were a lot of things that could hurt him.

My dad played like he was listening, but like most kids, he ran there as soon as his dad left for work.

The dump was like an old boat graveyard, with long poles and hooks all around that made for great playing. They would climb aboard and pretend like they were captains or seamen.

At one point, my dad got brave and started climbing along one of the poles. He stood on the edge and probably let out a Tarzan yell or something and he felt his feet slip.  He was pretty high in the air on the pole and grasped desperately in the air for something to catch him.  

There were two hooks along the pole, probably for hoisting ropes or sails. That day, they did an extra job and caught my dad by his wrist.  

So there he was hanging by his wrists to this pole in a boat dump.  His little brother was with him and immediately ran for help.

My dad described it so terrifying, hanging there by his wrists, which sounds pretty painful and not quite sure what was going to happen.

At that very moment, his dad rushed from work and while driving home he saw my dad hanging there from the freeway. 

My grandpa rescued him and he had to get stitches on both of his wrists. My dad used to show me his wrists with their matching scars as an illustration to always listen to your parents. They know what's going on and they know how to keep you safe. 

I usually share this story in church because of the multiple meanings from this story. It's really so relatable.  

As a parent now, I get it even more. Dave and I are like crazy people with our girls.  Emily is starting to learn to sit on her own, but she will never sit alone for many months because we always put ourselves ready to catch her.  Cami is wild and loves to run and play, "Not too fast, Cami, I don't want you to fall."  

There's this great song that plays on the radio these days called, "Cecilia and the Satellite".  The artist wrote the song for his daughter to explain the bridge from life before her to life after her birth. There's this line that always gets me as a child about my parents and as a parent of children, "I'd keep you safe. I'd keep you dry. Don't be afraicd, Cecilia, I'm the satellite."  

Sharp teeth and scales

I'm a vivid dreamer, both literally and figuratively.
I like looking back on my dreams and discussions I've had about them in the past.
My dad would find something in the dream interesting. He would smile, laugh and tell me it represented change. I laughed then and now because I don't really believe all dreams mean anything.
I follow the theory of dreams being random fittings in our brain or our brain presenting scenarios for us to figure out.
Occasionally, there are dreams I've had that are life changing. Dreams that I know were more than random neurons firing.
Last night I had my second dream about being trapped in a Jurassic Park of some sort.
The dream is never scary. I don't wake up shivering or scared to go back to sleep. I wake up stressed out, trying to compartmentalize what I just imagined.
So today I'm on hold with insurance company and I Google the dream dictionary for dinosaurs (feeling like a crazy person).
Here's some of what I read:

"The dinosaurs can also reflect older habits and attitudes. The advice is that you should not give up.

The dinosaur in your dream is generally a positive symbol. It may represent a period of time when the dreamer will confront his fears and empower himself to effectively cope with negative emotions and extreme materialism, and will obtain greater inner and outer freedom."

Without getting too personal, small dinosaurs with scales and teeth are answers for some difficult questions I've been battling.

Half a Face

I don't make this stuff up.
Today I replaced three old filings that were covering up problem spots that were turning into cavities.
My wonderful dentist, Dr Staley, was midway through the second shot of anesthesia when a song comes playing through the office speakers, "I Can't Feel My Face When I'm With You".
If my life had a soundtrack, no song was more perfectly matched to events ever.
I've attached a picture of my half smile, courtesy of like six shots of anesthesia.

Guess what? I don't love it.