7.30.2014

Broke is Broke

My livelihood is dead this week.

Okay, really it's been dead for six weeks.

My beloved external hard drive, Florence, passed away sometime around June 15th.

I could not be saved. I.T. company wants $2,000 to "maybe" try to recover and compartmentalize her innards.

Her brain was just beginning to grow with stories about my dad and his writings. 150 pages of scanned, books, letters and other elements of my father were filling spots within the framework.

What I miss most is Florence's heart, where my dreams were alive. Where books and stories built momentum in words and chapters.  I spend hours, days, probably years on some of the writings in her heart. So much time spent in readying Karl, Alex, John Brown and Adam for the world.  I think Florence and I shared a heart sometimes.

I don't have a lot of value in myself, money or things.  My value is in words and dreams.  It's hard not to be dramatic.

Earlier today I talked to woman about some medical testing and she claimed that $2,000 was all in the day's work for her husband. I wish he could give me one of his days to save some of my years.

200 pages of my dream is gone and it cannot be rebuild. Along with the elements of this Earth, I have changed and cannot duplicate some of the words that started the framework of this book almost ten years ago. It's the only thing that hasn't changed with marriage, birth or death. It held so much of me inside it's plastic walls. Those words were my rock. Erased. My dad. My heart.

What is life without dreams?

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