I've been thinking a lot about what I want for my life: now and future. I have some friends in different positions that I am and (I'm going to be super real here) I'm totally judging. I look at their (in my mind) naivete and youth with my ancient (ha ha) expertise and judging the crap out of their decisions.
I think these things like, "I hope they really think hard about this decision." or "I hope that they've really thought about what this will look like in the future."
To justify my judgy thoughts I think things about my own choices over the past, "If I really took a step back and thought about how the future would look, I would have done things different."
In some ways, my self-assessment is fair. I probably would do things different if I really looked at, but in some ways that wouldn't matter.
Follow me with this thought process in very general terms. When I was young, I had a lot of really weighty decisions (baby, marriage, house, relationships, etc.) I made a lot of these decisions out of necessity-I can't exactly be indifferent about a pregnancy....I made choices with a lot of thought.
I'll give one specific example because I'm pretty vocal about it.
I let go of a few friendships by choice, actively turning down invitations and non-communication. The decision to do that was a look at the current relationship with those people. One friend literally only hung out with me at parties, bars, drinking, or smoking. I looked at the future and was like, ya, that's not my game anymore I don't really want to do that. Another friend is the other extreme, super churchy and expressed judgment over my choices. I looked at the future and said, no, I want relationships and friendships with people who build me up and encourage growth.
I don't feel any regret with those specific examples, but sometimes I do feel regret about some choices. I'm human after all.
Often people say stuff like, "Humanity aren't trees, we aren't rooted to one spot. We can change and grow. End relationships, jobs, hobbies, or whatever makes you unhappy."
This thought is both inspiring and terrifying to me, but that's a different topic.
I was sitting here thinking about those things two things: examining the future/making choices, and changing them later.
I think I'm right when I say we aren't trees. I'm glad for that because how else would I get to enjoy Dr. Pepper, my sweet girls hugs, or a cute new shirt? So we're better than trees, but I would step beyond that "changing if we want" attitude.
I was talking with this lady at Great Clips yesterday (cause I'm that cheap with haircuts) and she's a big believer in astrology. We talked about signs (My entire close family are grouped under signs that are considered stubborn. No surprise there.)
When I think about stubborn, I do think of trees. They are beat upon in wind, rain, snow, animals, bugs, etc. Yet they grow tall. If it was a cute sentient acorn:
This cute sentient acorn would be like, "I want to be a tree when I grow up, a beautiful tree with luscious fluffy leaves, and perfectly shaped branches. If I grow right here in this soft ground under the sun, it's going to be perfect."
Cute acorn learns quick that this stuff is not how he pictured it. It's hard and tough, "If I was human, I could change." but he's not.
When he grows up to a tree, it's not picture perfect. He probably looks more like a really messed up Frankenstein tree, but man that view of the sky is worth it.
I don't know if that makes any sense. Quick sum up: I don't know if change is always the better option. It's okay to not be happy with the way things have turned out. Too often people are like "attitude is everything". Well, okay, but I can't really step in dog poop and be like, "Okay, that was great!" My point is embrace what life has become because it will work out. We'll all get a good look at the sunshine.
I feel like I just got a pick at the sunshine and it looks pretty good from down here. I may not be the happiest tree in the forest, but I'm in the forest and I'm growing. If I just picked up and moved my roots whenever things got hard or looked crappy, I would never grow.
I'm not making a comment on overcoming diversity or getting stronger from what may break us down. It's more a comment on attitude. Stubbornness over change.
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